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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I am newly married (a year ago last August). My 11 year old

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I am newly married (a year ago last August). My 11 year old son and I had lived alone for six years and he was quite surprised by my sudden marriage. My husband suffered a brain injury one month after our marriage and his depression is intense. He's still home and may never be able to return to work. He is dependent on me to drive him everywhere and read for him since his vision was effected and cannot be corrected. As a result of the accident, his depression, frustration and anger are prevalent and we tend to argue quite frequently for a variety of reasons. There has been times where my husband has gone over the top with his screaming, yelling and sometimes even throwing things (not at anyone). My son has indicated how frightened he is of him and that one time when we were arguing he picked up a bat and walking in circles in his room wondering what to do. It breaks my heart to hear this. Last night another fight exploded and now my son doesn't even want to come upstairs and see my husband he's so upset. He won't talk to me about it and I fear the long term effects on him if we don't talk and get some help. He claims to hate my husband and I don't know how what to do about it. I allow him the space for his feelings and encourage him to give him a little slack due to his injury. I don't expect him to understand and I hate that he feels this way but certainly understand. How do you recommend I proceed with my son in order for him not to bottle up his feelings and eventually explode?

Thank you,
Vicki

Thank you,
Vicki
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems with your husband. How quickly did you get married? Did your son have a god relationship with your husband before the brain injury? Thank you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
My husband and I married within three months of dating. However he was our neighbor so we knew him for about a year before we started dating. My son thought he was okay. He knew he was our neighbor when we started dating but never got a chance to really know him. They get along better when his boys are here. He has two boys; one a year older the other a year younger. My son was apprehensive that we eloped so quickly. I'm sure that threw him off guard. They don’t really have much of a relationship. My son is a little shy getting to know people and tends to be a little reserved. My husband wanted to take his time getting to know him so as not to push himself on him. It never really ramped up though. For the most part they tend to stay away from each other. When we are all together, like at dinner, there just isn’t much interaction with them. My husband thinks he’s a little odd.

I hope this helps paint a better picture.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for responding. You did get married rather quickly. It is difficult to get to really know someone in that short of a time. It also probably does not make your son feel very good since he was your neighbor. Things in your household will not get any better unless you take a proactive position to make changes. If possible, can you afford to have a home care worker provide assistance for your husband so that you can have a break. You are not only his wife but have become his nurse and unfortunately his sounding board. Hopefully, your husband is receiving counseling for his violent outbursts. He does need help in learning how to control his emotions in a healthy manner.

Your son has been put in the middle between you and your husband and he is afraid for his safety as well as your safety and overall health and emotional well being. If you all want to live together amicably, family therapy might be an option. An alternative, would be for you and your husband to seek counseling without your son. You and your husband are not on the same page with regards XXXXX XXXXX aspects in your relationship. You need to talk things through with the help of a psychologist or counselor who would be a neutral third party. You both need coping and intervention strategies in how to effectively parent your son and have a happy and fulfilling marriage.

Hope this provided you with some insight. Happy Holidays! Take care!
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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