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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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What should I do about my 16 year old son? Several months ago, I sent him to his room to

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What should I do about my 16 year old son? Several months ago, I sent him to his room to think about his disrespectful behavior. As he went,he threw the remote at my face and gave me a black eye. Today, I learned that he and his friend had drawn an obscene gesture on our neighbor's windshield the night before. I had them remove it and sent my son to his room. He threw a ceramic bowl at me and gave me a swollen lip. Suggestions?

Also, it really bothers me that his father (my husband) sits here silently while this occurs. In the past, my husband allowed his mother to mistreat me as well and did nothing to stop it. I still resent him for this. He should protect me, especially from his mother when she is totally out of line. All he says is,"What can I
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Dear friend,

You seem to live in a very dysfunctional household, and you are the normal one, at least from what I hear from you. Your husband is spineless and does not give you the support and protection that you deserve and that he should be giving to you.

Your son has had no proper paternal discipline and you have to be both mother and father to him. You are, in a way, an outside in your own home, even if you are also the strongest and sanest one. You just don't fit in so well into this world, where you seem to be keeping the whole show going.

Your son is showing early signs of Antisocial Personality Disorder. In a child it is called Oppositional Defiant Disorder or Conduct Disorder, but as he approaches adulthood he may continue with this most serious personality disorder, one that afflicts a large percentage of caree criminals.

You have several options:

  • choose to do nothing. Nothing will change and things will just get worse and you will have to do something else.down the line
  • schedule an appointment with a family therapist for yourself, your hustband, and for your son. If your son refuses to go, you can threaten to have him declared a "person in need of supervision" (PIN) or whatever else it is called in your area. He can be then put in a state-run facility, possibly of the boot-camp variety, which will teach him some discipline and may break him from a lifetime of antisocial behavior, or it may become the fist of many experiences as an institutionalized person.
  • If your husband refuses to go as well, you could threaten to divorce him if you think that you could handle it financially and emotionally. Right now you are a very abused person and you must stop the abuse one way or the other

I know that these are tough choices, but you have lived long enough at the bottom the the pecking order, when you probably should be at the top. It is time to gather your strength and courage and break past these barriers to become a whole and happy person, fulfilled because you are good and deserve to have a decent life, well-treated and greatly respected.

I wish you strength and courage.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
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