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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
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my 14 yr old daughter told me that i am too hard on her. I

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my 14 yr old daughter told me that i am too hard on her. I do everything for her, even clean her room but she dismantles it in minutes. she stays in her room all the time and does not want to participate in family life. I ask her to do something and she doesn't. She says I yell all the time at her, recently I have raised my voice and my concerns. I love my daughter very much and want to see her happy and have a wonderful relationship with her but my second husband thinks she is disrespectful of me and he continues to laugh at her and puts me down about my child. All her sisters are away at university so she just has me. What do I do? I want to have her hugs again and share wonderful times with her. please help.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 4 years ago.



As a teenager, your daughter's view point at this time of her life would be egocentric. She would believe that adults do not understand her and that she is correct while they are wrong.

Her behavior could have led to you feeling frustrated and the yelling had happen as a result of her and you not communicating in a healthy way.

It may be helpful to approach her by asking her to explain to you what is going on within her- what does she want to be different b/w the two of you at home in order to feel better, what is standing in the way according to her, and how can this be changed in a positive way. Try to listen to her objectively even if she appears to place all of the blame on you and taking very little responsibility for her part in it. At that point, your intent is to gather her side of the story. It is possible that she may say few things that ring true to you as well. It may be helpful also to note if your help to her is enabling her to mistreat you (because she assumes that you're there to meet all of her needs, when in fact at this age she should be developing responsibilities and owning up to her behaviors both negative and positive)

Ask her about her mood (social withdrawal can be caused by depression or dysphoria (milder depressed state) and these moods in return can also be hormonally triggered.

Another thing that you may want to address is how your husband is relating to her and how he treats you in front of your daughter. That is not something that should be happening and as your partner he has to assist you in this situation not mock you. Your daughter may be picking up his vibes and in some way resenting you for letting him treat you that way. But, she may not know how to handle these feelings and as a result of it withdraws into her room or takes advantage of you.


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