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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Hi. I am very desperate and i dont know what to do. I am a

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Hi. I am very desperate and i don't know what to do. I am a mother of two, a girl 9 years old and a boy 3 years old. I met their father 11 years ago and we had a relationship but when i became pregnant he didn't want the baby and he left me. I kept the baby even if i was alone, i gave birth to my daughter and i worked hard to grow her and giving her whatever she needed. Her father was very rarely seeing her, once every 2 months and sometimes even more. When she became 2 years old I went through the court and i ensured economical support for her from her father. When she became 4 years old i started dating with another man. My ex found out about it and he started wanting me again so i gave him another chance. We got married and after 2 months i realized that i was pregnant. When i told him he started the same. He told me to make an aposrion and that he didn't want it. I didn't do that so he started living us alone me and my daughter for days and then coming back with excuses, until i found out that he had a girlfriend and then, even if i forgave him, he left us for good. I had a very difficult pregnancy as the first time, but because i am a very strong character i passed that period with the company of my daughter and my family, very nicely.
Whenever my daughter asked me about her father i was always saying the best things about him and that he loves her very much but he couldn't come because of his work.
Now, 7 months almost, he started seeing the kids in normal basis and taking them to stay with him at the weekends. That's great with me because i want my kids to have a good relationship with their father. Last weekend, when i brought my kids from their father to my house, my daughter was crying and i asked her what's going on, and she told me that she wants to stay with her father for ever and just seeing me at the weekends!!!! My saul is breaking into pieces since then, it's being 6 days now and every day she is telling me the same thing. I asked her why she wants this, if her father told her anything or if he scared her or something but she refuses it, and she says that she loves him and she wants to stay with him. I tried everything, talked to her with nice way, asked her to think about the goods and bads to stay with her father but still nothing. My parents talked with her (she really loves them so much) but nothing.
It's like she is not my daughter, she always adored me, i can't recognise her now.
I would rather die instead of loosing her. I made so many sacrifises for her to be able to grow in health and have good studies and everything. I gave her all my love and i don't deserve this! This is not fair! I believe that her father brain wash her and made her feel pity about him, so he doesnt have to pay anything for her that's all i can think. Or that she might feel jelous of her little brother and that's why. But i show love to both of my kids. Since i gave birth to my son i never made her to feel jelous about him, i was asking her to participate and help me with the infant. And she liked it. She felt like a little "mum". PLEASE HELP ME I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. I make whatever she wants so she changes her mind about it, but nothing yet. I buy her whatever she wants, i take her to playstations, cook the best meals that she likes, but she still wants to stay with her dad.
He never takes her anywhere, he just take her to his mother and leaves her there. Why she wants to leave me now? Whats happening? I will go crazy if i loose her.
I am very willing of seeing her father, but not to stay always with him and me just take the weekends! HELP ME NOW!!!!
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the situation with your daughter and I can certainly feel your pain. Someone on your ex's side has gotten into your daughter' mind and has manipulated her into making her believe that you are the "bad guy". Parents have been known to speak very badly about the other parent and even say things like: If you tell, something bad will happen to you or Mommy, or Your Mommy is going to hurt/ kill you one day. This puts a great deal of fear into a child's head and he/ she is afraid to tell anybody. Since you have been an outstanding mother, it really makes no other sense than to believe that she has been brainwashed. Do not allow your daughter to start living with her dad, unless you actually have a court order to do so. Since your daughter will not open up to you or you or her grandparents, you may want to try seeking professional assistance from a counselor or psychologist who can use a variety of techniques to break through to your daughter. Something is going on. Do not give up hope. Just concentrate on finding the cause of your daughter's change in feelings toward you when you have done nothing wrong. keep the weekend visits going though. At least allow your ex that much time with your children. Please, please, please believe that things will get better. You need to be strong for your children and especially for your daughter. She is just a child. You know what's best for her. Maintain your authoritative role and continue to be her loving mother. Try not to let her negativity get you down. You will be fine. This stage will soon pass.

Let me know if I can help you further. Try to have a great day :)
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