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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My six year old just told me that her newly involved biological

Customer Question

My six year old just told me that her newly involved biological father's new live in girlfriend told her that she (my daughter) only has "one dad", that dad being her boyfriend and not my husband of 5 years who has raised our six year old as his own. I am furious at her and do not want my daughter getting confused on what the term "dad" means. How do I handle my daughter's confusion and my ex-husband's inappropriate remarks on what "dad" means?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the situation with the girlfriend. Who does your daughter call "dad"? What does she already know about the situation? Thank you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello. My daughter calls my husband "dad", she calls my ex by his first name "andy" or "daddy a". Everbody on my ex's side has a first name that begins with the letter "a", so she calls my parents "mama" and "papa" and my ex's parents "mama a" and "papa a". My ex has a problem witht that and forces her to refer to him as "dad" when she is with him every other weekend. She is also not allowed to speak of me or my husband when she is over there. My daughter had said the phrase"my other dad" to the girlfriend and that's when she made that comment.

My daughter is aware that my ex and I didn't get along, so we got divorced (which happened when i was 3 months pregnant and my ex told me he didn't want to be a dad) and that my husband loves her unconditonally regardless of who helped "make" her. She doesn't remember a time when he wasn't there, so she feels he is dad in every way. My ex is new to the picture and she is trying to figure him out still and his revolving girlfriends.

I want her to feel loved and for her to appreciate the ones who love her and not feel confused by it. How do I help her sort through the confusion when she goes over to my ex"s and has to hear those mean comments without causing more confusion?

thank you.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for responding. Unfortunately, you cannot control what your ex or his girlfriend tell your daughter. You cannot control your ex's slew of girlfriends. Try not to let the actions of your ex ruin your life. You have moved on. You can just mention to your ex that he is not setting a good example for your daughter. What you can continue to tell your daughter is that she is so special because she has two dads...one who made her and one who takes care of her. Tell her that some people do have just one dad but she is so lucky to have two dads who just love her so much. The simpler the better for now because she is so young. When she gets older, she may have more questions. Also tell her that some people may say that she only has one dad, but that's not true. Tell her to stay happy because two dads is better than one!

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