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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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We had 3 sons, ages 13, 10, and 6 when we adopted our daughter

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We had 3 sons, ages 13, 10, and 6 when we adopted our daughter from Ukraine at age 12. It took us over 2 years and 3 trips to finally bring her home due to the Orange Revolution. She adapted quite well. She made honor roll, became a cheerleader, ran track, rode horses, had some friends, and became confirmed at church. We had a very close loving relationship as a family. Then, our daughter met a 21 year old boy when she turned 18. She is in her senior year of high school. Our oldest son left for college on a baseball scholarship and only one week later, our daughter impulsively moved out and went to live with her boyfriend who still lives with his parents. He doesn't attend college and works parttime. She said she wasn't going to follow our rules (i.e. Midnight weekend curfew) and was much happier with him. She continues to work 10 hours each week at our business. She has quit all of her extracurricular activities. She says she is an adult and can do what she wants because she is 18. His parents are enabling her to live and sleep with their son. They are her transportation and she is now calling his mother mom and has changed her last name to his on facebook. She is getting good grades and is on track to graduate. She said she doesn't believe in God anymore. We tell her we love her and she can come home whenever she wants. It has been 2 months. This is surreal to us. We had a great relationship prior to this. It is almost as if our daughter has been kidnapped but is enjoying it. The parents of her boyfriend are entirely fueling this. They do not share any of our morals and have deeply influenced our daughter. Any advice?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Help and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the issues that you are facing with your daughter. Since she is an adult, she has the right to do as she pleases without much you can do or say. It sounds like you have raised her right and then she met a young man who took her away from you. All you can do is to continue to call and text her. Hopefully she still comes by to visit. Let her know that you still love her and that God will give her peace and direction. Even though you said she does not believe in God, she must believe in something....probably the beliefs of her boyfriend's family. It is as though she has been brainwashed. Give your daughter the space and time she thinks she needs. Keep your distance for a while. Something will soon happen in which she will need to come home for true love and support. She can not keep up the charade forever. Just continue to pray for your daughter's deliverance everyday. It will happen on God's time. You must nit be anxious though. Be patient and big things will happen in your favor. Let go and let God.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for your reassurance. My husband's father (who is 84) has also given us this advice; but it is good to hear another outside opinion. Is it right to keep our daughter's possessions until someday she hopefully returns home? We have put them in our storage so they aren't a constant reminder of her absence to our other children who are upset by this. Our friends at the police department have advised us to not give her any financial support during this time. We have taken her cell phone and car which we allowed her to use. She purchased her own phone, and as I said she still works in one of our businesses so we know she has some money. Thank you.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Other.
Would like some specifics about what to do with her belongings since they are still at our home in our storage and we have been advised by the police to not give them to her.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
By all means, put her things into storage. Cut her off financially. It is called tough love but you CAN do it!
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