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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 109
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hi, I am a very hands-on single mom looking for advice in

Customer Question

Hi,

I am a very hands-on single mom looking for advice in raising my 6 year old child. I have an elder child with severe/chronic special needs and find myself in a parallel world of sorts. I am and always have been a very strong advocate for my eldest son, in regards XXXXX XXXXX medical, and physical needs. But with my youngest I find myself to be a very authoritative mother, but not certain if I'm being too over the top.

My youngest is young and just learning about his environment. He began school in kindergarten, and I home schooled him prior to entrance. He is very bright and excels in academics. My concerns are that I am pushing him too much and forgetting that he is just a kid. I attempt to prevent him from acting silly or loosing focus. He is very talkative and energetic, but is very easily distracted by his friends.

I reside in an area that isn't very socially active. When he was younger taking him to the park, he didn't have many children to play with because they were hesitant because of his sibling being in a wheelchair. In any event, this left him feeling as if he didn't have any friends, so now he is determined to make friends by behaving silly or in taking on the misbehavior of others.

He is an extremely happy child and I attempt to have an open dialog with him in finding out his feelings or concerns pertaining to anything in his life. He seems to be fine and very well adjusted. I believe the concerns lay with my not be very well-adjusted regarding situations that surround him. He attends private school in which social class and financial status, unfortunately, plays a significant role. It is to be a christian environment but there are plenty of times where I do not feel that to be true.

I find that the children are more interactive and personable, but the parent's more territorial. For example, my son would like to have a play date with his male classmates, but I have to make excuses because I know the parent's are not so willing to do so. I am in the lower social and economic bracket. Not to say that this in itself is the problem, but we are also in the minority when it comes to race as well.

I would like to address this issue with the parent's in our group, those that I communicate with, but do not want to go about it in an abrupt and not so pleasant manner. At times I feel the mommy lioness coming out wanting to protect her cub, which is a natural feeling, but I have worked hard at keeping my composure and remaining articulate while addressing my issues.

I do not want to lie to my son about why he can't have play dates with his friends. I truly would like to find an easy way to explain it to him, because it isn't his friends that's the problem it is their parents.

Overall, my questions are should I be more lenient about his acting silly and how can I find an outlet for it? He is enrolled in sports and was enrolled in a lot of camps this summer.

What should I do about the parent situation and play dates? Am I being overly concerned at this stage regarding his developmental state? His dad and I (divorced) are having issues and it's very complicated. His dad has been diagnosed as having a paranoid personality and social anxiety disorders. He is very pessimistic and extremely needy. He is unable to go anywhere alone, so he enlists my son to go with him to the store, etc. It angers me because the symptoms of his disorders often play out in our lives. I cannot seem to channel it.

Should I find a way to inform him the reasons why we do not have play dates, if he asks again, or do I just find ways of redirecting his attention? I was going to counseling but couldn't afford the fee. I am currently enrolled in school, online, and my grades are suffering because of these ongoing dilemma's. I need to find a way of handling them and finding a positive path of reconciliation.

Thanks!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. You do have so much going on in your life. Why do you feel the parents at your son's school would not be receptive to play dates? What race are you and the others at your son's school? Does your son mind you when he is disciplined? What kind of parents' group are you in now? Thanks!

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