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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I have 4 children and I dont work. Recently I have noticed

Customer Question

I have 4 children and I don't work. Recently I have noticed that my daughter (4 1/2 yr old) is having a hard time in preschool. There are only 3 girls (of 11) in her class and she is really craving having a little "girlfriend". She has a twin brother, and has always played with boys and girls without distinguishing. She sometimes tells me "so-and-so doesn't like me" or "so-and-so was mean to me today". I spoke to her teacher and her opinion was that my daughter is a well-adjusted, well-liked little girl. I'm not sure if this is a way of getting my attention or a call for help. I don't want her to have low self-esteem but I don't want her to learn to be manipulative either. Help!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. Why do you think your daughter may have low self esteem? Have you observed your daughter interact with other students at school? Thanks.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I don't necessarily think she has low self-esteem, but I am concerned that she's feeling this way. Normally, drop off is very quick and she is well-adjusted, no crying, kisses me goodbye, and sits down at circle time. At pick-up she is always playing and seems happy. Sometimes she is alone, sometimes she is with a group, sometimes she is with one other child. So, I don't "think" she has low self-esteem but I do think soething is going on. She is, and always has been, quieter than my son (her twin) though I hate to compare them! My concern is that she has told me numerous times this year (and school has only been in session for 5 weeks) that she feels slighted or has hurt feelings!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Just to clarify, when she tells me things like this, I do ask her "why" and all I get is "so-and-so hurt my feeling" without any actual answer. I even ask leading questions "did you have a fight with so-and-so over a toy" for example. She communicates well, and she is quick to explain conflict with her brother, but I can't seem to get anything more from her regarding preschool incidents. I hate to just label her "shy" or "sensitive". I want to help her but I don't know how. In not knowing where to begin, I don't want her to feel like I'm blowing her off, thus giving her low self-esteem. Does that make sense?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Has your daughter been in pre school before? Is this a new school?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
She was in the "3's" last year (9:00-11:30 daily). This year is pre-k, it is 9:00-1:00 daily, and she usually asks to stay until 2:30 for the " lunch bunch".
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 4 years ago.
First if all there are way too many boys in the class. Someone may be bullying her so she wants to latch onto a female friend to escape the bullying. Ask her who gets in trouble a lot in her class and what do they do to get in trouble. Then ask her who she does like to play with. Then ask her who she does not like to play with and why. Do this over several weeks and see if any of the same names pop up. These may be the students bothering your daughter and you will need to address the issue with the teacher. On the other hand, your daughter may just be saying such things to try and stay home from school.

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