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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
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I have been dating a man for about 9 months (after being married

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I have been dating a man for about 9 months (after being married for 23 years years and separated for 3 years). I have trouble opening up because my ex told me how to feel and how I shouldn't feel. He was critical and dismissive when I tried to express how I felt. I learned to just not express myself. In the process, I have stopped being able to figure out how I really feel, how I should feel, etc. I have two issues w/ my boyfriend that I need outside opinion. 1) Last Friday, we were practicing our Halloween costumes (he is dressing up as a woman) and he became very aroused (I could tell he was hoping I would really like it), he only wanted oral sex without giving me as much as a kiss. I had had a very tough week with an ex husband, 2 teenagers, feeling emotional, etc. He knew I had a tough week and I really needed different kind of intimacy. He did apologize and realizes what he did wrong. I'm hurt that he wasn't there for me but also felt used and tricked. I felt like it had been a fantasy of his and he set the whole thing up. I'm worried that he has underlying desires to dress like a woman. He does like to wear women's panties (which I accepted) I do not want to be a prude but I was uncomfortable with it. Because of my marriage failure I'm really trying to look for red flags but also be reasonable. The second question is how much does a woman listen to a man talk about other woman. I dream of a relationship where the man only has eyes for me but am thinking this is unrealistic and isn't possible. I feel like like telling my boyfriend I need a break because I don't even want him to touch me right now. But then he is supportive with me while I handle my crazy ex husband. My ex will not let me go and I am awaiting trial for our divorce. We own a business together and it is very stressful and I'm getting depressed over this situation. So I'm not sure if I'm taking my depression on my boyfriend or if I have a legitimate reason to be upset with him.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that you are having in your life. Red flag number 1: your boyfriend wearing panties is not normal behavior and neither is dressing like a woman. Red flag number 2: if you are in a monogamous relationship with a man, he should not be talking about other women if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Also, he should only have eyes for you unless you want an open relationship. Red flag number 3: If your ex will not let you go, then you may need to professional counseling to learn intervention and coping strategies in dealing with an emotionally controlling ex husband, especially since you share a business together.

It may be wise that you do take a break from your boyfriend. There is way too much going on in your life. Wait until the divorce is final and you have had time to refocus on things in your life. Since you are depressed, you need to make sure that you can stay strong for your children. Your boyfriend is your crutch to help you deal with your ex but he also has some issues now that are adding to your stress. Like mentioned before, take a well deserved break from your boyfriend and just wait and see what direction things go.

Thank you and have a great day!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Forgot another Question: My boyfriend also was wanting me to wear a very revealing outfit for Halloween - it was like a panties and a bra (leather/chains). I wonder if that is strange for a boyfriend to be ok with his girlfriend revealing so much skin? What does that say about the man and/or relationship? This is just for Halloween as is his dressing up like a woman is for Halloween. But his reaction to dressing like a woman freaked me out. I think you are right about him adding stress to my life right now. Just curious about your opinion on this one. He has also told me that his therapist that he sees once a month says a lot of men wear women's panties.
It would be alright if you dressed up in such a revealing way at home but not for others to see. Also having him dressed up as a woman and you as well is very odd for Halloween. He may have unfulfilled desires which you do not sound like you are interested in .
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Thank you. You can ask additional questions to our mental health experts. Have a great day.

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