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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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i have twin boys 6.5yrs old ,younger one always was jelous

Customer Question

i have twin boys 6.5yrs old ,younger one always was jelous of older one who is more rational and quiet ,that we say well done to older one when he does something good ,younger told us always we praise older we said no sweet heart if you do also good things we will say well done to you aswell and he was so irritable and angry, sometimes he used to lay down and refuse to go school ,sometimes he used to say that he is sad ,why? because grandad is dead ,he had not seed his grand dad at all (all these going back 2 years ago)now my wife and i getting divorce ,at the moment we have shared residency 50/50 with mum ,i live in 2nd floor and mum in 3rd in the same block,now younger one ,is very angery and irritable ,he hits very badly older brother if slightest fight ,he does not do what i ask ,he say i am the leader and king ,if punish like time out hewill not do and he says he hates me ,he does not want to come my flat again or other night he said dad always you blame me if i argue or fight with my brother ,therefore you love him more than me ,i know you love him more than me .or when two brothers they fight ,they shout at each other and say i hate you i wish you were dead ,you are the worst person in the earth or in the planet ,i say boys please ,please stop these sort of words you are two brothers you must not fight ,you must love each other and you must support each other
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that you are having with your son and sorry to hear about the divorce. What specific questions do you have? Do you need assistance with your son who is so negative? Do you need ideas on how to help the boys get along better? Do you need advice on how to help your children through the divorce? Please let me know when you can. Thank you.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I put my problem in brief to u ,do u wish to reply in 3categories ,pls do 1- my younger boy is so irritable and angry and ,wants to be first ,leader ,king of house and when fights with brother hits badly and when I want to prevent him to hit hard or to say why did u hit him hard ,he says I always blame him and always take older'sside and Iove older boy more than him ,he does not listen to me when he does something wrong ,if I insist ,he says I hate u
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Does the younger brother have any emotional and behavior issues at school as well? Are the twins in the same class at school.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
the same class ,but no behavior emotional issues at school ,infact both are doing well and both are very intelegent
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.

Hello and Thank you for responding. Your youngest son is saying all of the negative things and behaving badly because he is frustrated about the divorce, still having difficulty coping with the loss of his grandpa, and subconsciously in competition and probably always being compared to his brother. Those issues are very intense for a six year to process and handle. He is actually feeling a great deal of stress and anxiety because of the issues. There are a few routes that you can take. The first is to get your son into counseling. He needs to learn coping and intervention strategies in dealing with the issues that he is faced with through a process called Play Therapy. Also, you need to continue to pay special attention to your youngest son. Take only him on special outings. He is feeling neglected and you need to lift up his self esteem. Also, it may not be the best idea to have the brothers in the same class at school. Teachers often compare twins and it does have an effect on them.


Hope this provides you with some insight and direction. Have a great day!!!Laughing

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thanks for your advice ,i got to talk to mum about play therapy ,we never compared them and we never neglected him or prefered one to other ,but how can i take him out without older brother,we never seperated them ,or if pay special attention or to buy special present other will notice and he will be upset and sad, mum says and apparently he has written ,that he wants to sleep every night with mum not to miss her ,i think mum planted this to him , ofcourse any time if they miss mum ,they can talk over the phone and or they see her if she comes to my flat ,once also older one went to sleep with mum and younger one stayed with me but mum insisted in to take him to her that two brothers not to get seperated from each other which i had to take young one to her .we can not seperate their school,because are going private school and difficult to find nice one ,but teachers say both are doing well at school ,and no competition at school.

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