How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Rossi Your Own Question

Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
19260254
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
Dr. Rossi is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Have a 14-yr old daughter, she is a straight A student and

Customer Question

Have a 14-yr old daughter, she is a straight A student and she has 4-close friends and we can not get her involved in any extra school activities or sports. All she does is go to school and concentrates on her school work. Her and the 4-close friends she has are not very social and really do not do anything outside of school. My question is: do we force her to join a club to meet new people and be more social or do we just leave things the way it is?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

Hi,

 

"do we force her to join a club to meet new people and be more social or do we just leave things the way it is?"

 

"Forcing" her to do anything would not be productive as she will see this as your idea not hers. She has to develop an interest in at least one thing/activity. Why is she not "comfortable" in joining clubs or sports at school is another issue. Is this due to some sort of anxiety (social anxiety, fear of failure), or is she more introverted? When did the behavior start (or has she been behaving like this for as long as you can remember?) The few friends that she has do not have to be her only circle of friends that she does things with. You may find out if she is engaged primarily in her school work because that is one area where she feels safe (good at) and uncertain of herself in other areas? Is she the only child and used to be in the company of adults is another question.

 

Volunteering may be something to encourage her to look into. She can be both productive/helpful even learn something along the way. If she is studious, you can present this opportunity for further learning and remind her that any sort of experience can come in handy one day when she will need to get a paid job.

 

There may be times when you would have to entrust her in doing something that lets her interact with others even if it is helping with an yard sale, etc. She may have not yet found out what truly makes her satisfied (school work is only one area) and the more she tries, the more she would learn about herself. You could try to show her that is one way of individuals gaining more self confidence in their abilities and gaining more knowledge in general by interacting with others. Firs, try to have her share what she already is certain of in regard to the reason behind her social isolation with peers.

 

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No other issues that we know of. She is the middle child, has a older sister 17 who is very outgoing, and a little sister 11 that is also pretty outgoing. Behavior has been as long as I can remember. We are very supportive of letting her do things that involve interacting with others, but she doesn't seem interested.
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.
She may be quite introverted or is avoiding interaction as a defense mechanism if she's too sensitive to others emotions as well as their criticism. She is old enough for you to talk to her about her goals (what studies are her favorite subjects, what does she want to do to enrich her life, her knowledge, and how she can contribute to the life of those around her. Social belonging is derived from the ability to share one's abilities/gifts with them. If she is good in her studies, the two of you can discuss and come up with at least one area in her life at the moment where she can share this knowledge/gifts even if it is volunteering with underprivileged children in your area (being a role model for them)
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
No other issues that we know of. She is the middle child, has a older sister 17 who is very outgoing, and a little sister 11 that is also pretty outgoing. Behavior has been as long as I can remember. We are very supportive of letting her do things that involve interacting with others, but she doesn't seem interested.
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

I am not sure what response is being sought out. The initial question was should you force her to be involved. I caution against that any sort of forceful behavior is to avoided. It is unhealthy and wold not really guarantee her full participation. Since I am not working with the child or the family directly, the information provided online is speculative and suggestive. She may even have traits of avoidant personality disorder.

If she is not interested, she is not interested and no amount of coaxing or otherwise will change her mind. She has to be encouraged to arrive at her own concision as to why it is beneficial to interact with others. You can only teach her that. I will opt out now so any other expert can share their feedback.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HE/heidi1107/2012-2-18_15325_Heidi.64x64.jpg Heidi LPC's Avatar

    Heidi LPC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    16
    Licensed Professional Counselor