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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My daughter has just turned 4 and the past 6 months has been

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My daughter has just turned 4 and the past 6 months has been very aggressive to other children particularly those of the same age or younger. She pushes them or throws something at them. At a birthday party we attended recently, I had to follow her around constantly for the entire party (3 hours). This is extremely stressful as her attacks on other children, particularly children she doesn't know well, are totally unprovoked. The playgroup leader has spoken to me about her behaviour of pushing other children as they are also concerned and have had to speak to her. I put her on the naughty step which works ok at home but the playgroup do not do this technique but insstead would speak to her about her behaviour. I have tried explaining to her that when she does this it hurts other children who are usually crying. She has a 2 1/2 year old brother who she is very fond of but she would occasionally hit but this is not a big issue although on occasions he is copying her behaviour which is quite concerning. She also is very happy to tell me that she hit Grace etc. I'm at my wits end and the phrase 'I can't take her anywhere and when I do, I have to take her back to apologise' describes Jane in a nutshell. Any advice would be very much appreciated.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. You have been proceeding with the right actions to help your daughter improve but now it is time to try an alternative approach. Try not to focus on the negative behavior unless she is physically harming another child. What you need to do is to create a positive behavior chart. You can use a regular calendar or create a simply chart for the week. When your daughter is behaving well with no incidents for the entire day, she receives a sticker for the day. After 5 stickers, she receives a special treat or outing. If she misbehaves on any day, she receives nothing but a reminder of what she should have done. Make her state what she did wrong and what she should have done. Then after a series of receiving 5 stickers, change it to 10 for a while. Place the sticker chart where it can be constantly seen like in the kitchen. Make sure that you use stickers that she REALLY likes. This should work once she gets used to the process. Her child care provider can assist you as well by keeping track of her daily behavior. An alternative is to break up each day to morning, afternoon, and evening so she has a chance to get three stickers a day. But using this method, the ultimate goal should be 10 and then 20. Give this a try. It will take patience and time.
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