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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My step daughter is out of control. She wont do her school work and her little siste

Customer Question

My step daughter is out of control. She won't do her school work and her little sister is scared of her because she is always mean to her verbally and physically. She has been to jail when she was 13 because she threatened her mom with a knife and after jail she went to a psych facility and then from there to a theraputic day program. She is continually fighting with her mom and says she wants to live here with her dad but the behavior is so bad that I won't allow it. We have 2 other kids that live here with us and I can't justify causing them problems with her living here behaving the way she does. She has proclaimed to everyone she hates me and I have ruined her life but, she wants to live under my roof? My husband feels so guilty and torn he doesn't know what to do and has recently told me he is afraid her mom is going to kick her out of the house and I won't let her live here(we both came to the agreement it was not best for our other 2children)so he feels he cant turn his back o
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 5 years ago.
what is your question?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I just don't know what to do from a parenting point of view. Am I right to say she can't live in my home and badly influence my other two children? What do I do from a wifes point. How do I support my husband when he tells me that if he is forced to pick he will leave me and our 2 kids for her.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that your step daughter is causing in your family. You CAN say that she cannot live in your home because she is a threat to your other children. However, she is your husband's daughter. You must reach some sort of compromise if she remains in the house. She needs continuous counseling or you all need to attend family therapy in order to try and live peacefully. Your husband should not put his daughter before you in any circumstance. To support your husband, you must be willing to listen to his side but remember that you are partners in raising the children. There may be some breakdown in communication between you and your husband and it transfers to the relationship amongst the kids. Therefore, you must concentrate on your marital relationship first. Once that is intact, then you can conquer the world. As for now, make sure that your other children are in fact safe from your step daughter. As for punishments, continue to enforce the house rules. Make her feel like she is in jail and she has to earn back things like her phone, computer time, outings with friends etc. She must relearn to respect authority. Additionally, you may want to have a female police officer talk to her about where she can truly end up if she continues with her ways.