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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Can you please help me thanks. I have a 16yr girl that lies

Customer Question

Can you please help me thanks.
I have a 16yr girl that lies and take stuff[money/cloths] from family members.
Sarah has lived with me twice in the last 3 and a half yrs,I'am Sarah dad.
This problem got to much for Sarahs mum in the past that why Sarah is living with me.
Now is getting to the point where its becoming to much for me.
XXXXX XXXXXes are day to day lies as well as going round saying things like,She will stay at home say the weekend with me,but then tell her friends that I wont let her go out.
When Sarah was with her mum Sarah was going round saying that Sarah mum partner was hitting Sarahs mum.
Sarah has had help in the past to find out what this is all about,that was when Sarah was with her mum.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.

Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that you are having with your daughter. Her actions of constant lying, stealing, and other inappropriate behavior are not typical for teen agers. She is in a rebellious state and there is something that is emotionally affecting her in a negative way. Is she being pressured to do drugs? Does she steal things to sell to others so she can get money for drugs or even alcohol? Is she being influenced by her peers too much? Does she have a boyfriend who is pressuring her? Is she still upset over the fact that you and her mother are not together? Are you disciplining Sarah in any way when she misbehaves? She needs to learn that there are consequences for her negative actions. Furthermore, it sounds as though she could still benefit from additional counseling on a continuous basis. She needs further professional assistance to help her learn coping and intervention strategies in dealing with the roller coaster ride of being a teen ager.

 

If you need more help, please ask.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

No you have that wrong. Stealing money spends its on lollies stealing cloths well people come round to visit then go thats my shoes or cloths. Sarah went to a counseling to the counselor said that all you can do.

not drugs or alcohol.Sarah really good but the lying an stealing

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.

Sarah obviously does not feel that her lying and stealing is hurting anyone and therefore will continue to do it because it is exciting of trying not to get caught for her. She probably also feels allot of pressure to "fit in" with her friends who may be lying and stealing as well. You need to constantly remind her that her behavior must stop. If she were a little older, her actions could land her in jail. You also must enforce stricter consequences for her lying and stealing so that she will not want to do it again.

 

If she is taking clothes from other people, then give some of her favorite clothes away to charity. She will be highly upset but that will be her punishment.

 

If she takes money from others, do not give her money for much of anything fun to do.

 

When she lies, make sure the consequence is related to whatever she lies about.

 

Take other things away from her. Make her stay at home. She needs to feel like she is in jail for a while but at home.

 

You need to send her a message that you will not tolerate her negative actions further.

 

 

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
You must regain complete parental control and authority over Sarah so that she will not even think about lying and stealing. She needs to be afraid to even think about doing those things because of the consequences that will occur. If she will not listen to you now, adulthood is not far away and she may not listen to law enforcement officials either. You do not want to go down that route.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.

Hopefully, your daughter will be a respectable young woman toward you when you enforce the consequences for her lying and stealing.

 

Have a good day.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I've taken her horse off her now about to sell her car,explaned to her how it feels in away that she can relate to,by asking how it feels to her when some does stuff to her. so tell me whats next cos I'am out of ideas.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
How did she react when you took her horse away and told her that you will sell her car? Did she have an "I do not care attitude?"
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

yes she did. Sarah just has those two problems really,its finding away to help Sarah start to stop the problems.

The stealing doesn't happen that often but the lying full on.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Your daughter is lying either for attention or for self preservation. If you and her mother have tried numerous times to talk to her about lying and the stealing and she simply will not stop, then as I have mentioned before, she must seek additional counseling. There is no other alternative.

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