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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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im in a relationship with a guy who has his two boys aged 15

Customer Question

im in a relationship with a guy who has his two boys aged 15 and 14 living with him, i have a daughter of 8 1/2 living with me, she sees her dad regular but my partners boys do not see their mother, there is conflict between the children all the time, his boys say they hate my daughter and now my daughter is saying she hates them too, in the beginning it was ok, now they seem to wind each other up, my daughter always hums alot! even i find it irritating, i don't want us to break up because of the kids but i think that his boys should know better, they dont go out and mix with friends, the youngest boy is always with his dad! he even goes to work with him, i want to know what we can do, as this is now putting a strain on our relationship, please help
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. How long have you been seeing this guy? How many times have you all been together, you, the guy , and the kids? Where you married before? Was your partner married before? Thanks!!!
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
We have been together for nearly two years, at one point my daughter an I was staying at his house,they did get on a first, they would come to me after school, sometimes have dinner and my partner would come to mine after work pick up the boys and take them home, he lives down the road from me,we do want to live together but cant at the moment because I have a joint tenancy on my home with my ex,who I am still married to, in process of a divorce, my partner was married a long time ago and they don't have any contact with her, so it has really just been the three boys together for a long time, he has had girlfriends but they haven't lasted long,his youngest boy is always around him, everywhere he goes, sometimes its a good thing but just recently I think its a bit much, he doesn't play with any friends, do you think he could be jealous of me?? and has been pushing my daughter and myself away? when I look back on the times he has said My daughter has done something he was never in the way never said a word and when my daughter has said "no he did this or that" he will say she is lying,and she will get into trouble for lying, because she has been lying quite alot, to my partner aswell
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

Hello and Thank You for responding. Your partner and his sons obviously do not like you and are the sons are doing everything that they can to push you away. They may be jealous and resent the fact that you are trying to take the place of their mom. Your daughter is lying so much because she wants some positive attention and wants everybody to get along.

 

What you can do is for you, your partner, and the kids (since they are old enough), to some together and have an open and honest discussion about how can everyone better relate to each other. Try to keep it as positive as you can instead of blaming each other for things and stating what you do not like about the other person. Talk about things that you like and how things can be made better.

 

Thank you and have a great day!!!

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