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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My fiance had some personal and financial problems in her life

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My fiance had some personal and financial problems in her life several years ago that lead her to handing her children over to the family (Her Mother and her Aunt) for care. She has finally, over the last year, taken huge steps to repair her life and is well on her way to a much brighter future. In the mean time, as part of the next steps in our families evolution, I have recently contacted her Mother (who she has not spoken to in over 2 years) and begun the process of healing our relationship with her with the intention of getting another step closer to the kids. Her mother called her Aunt (who has full custody of the kids now) and my fiances son answered the phone. My fiances mother asked him if (his Mom - meaning his Aunt) was there. My fiance and I both don't like the idea that they refer to her Aunt as his mother since his real mother is not dead and is trying to repair her life so she can have contact with her kids again. Her Aunt says she does not want any other parental figures in their life because it inhibits her effectiveness as a mother. I can understand this to a certain degree but definitely don't fully agree and I don't think that's entirely right of her for every ones including the childrens sake. ???
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problem that you are having with the Aunt. What you can do is to tell the aunt in person that relationships are trying to be slowly repaired and you would like the children to refer to the parental authorities as who they really are. Otherwise, there may be a lack of respect for the real mother down the line when she enters more into the picture. Thank you!!!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you. I understand that the children need the stability of where they live as opposed to where they came from. But I also don't think "Mom" can just be replaced. As far as I can tell so far, her family doesn't understand or believe yet how far she's come this year and hasn't yet excepted that her reunion with her children is inevitable at this point. I honestly (without going into detail as to why) don't know if they even expected her to live much longer and may have just planned to have the kids entirely to themselves. So I'm treading carefully for now, but I'm encouraging them to open themselves up to the inevitable fact that the childrens biological mother is going to be a big part of their lives whether she regains custody again or not. Control issues aside. ;) Thanks for the input. I'll be on here more for certain.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.

Hello and Thank You so much for responding. Just be careful what you do and say. I think it is wonderful that the biological mom has done so much to improve her situation and may be a huge part of her children's lives. Everyone involved with the children will have to accept that fact whether they like it or not. Nobody can ever replace your biological mom. There is a bond there that is just so special and remarkably unique.Laughing So the other relatives will just have to accept things and take on a different role.

 

Have a wonderful day!!!

proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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