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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I am a divorced single mother and have been for the last 3

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I am a divorced single mother and have been for the last 3 years. Last February I met a man. We are in a loving relationship and long to spend the night together. I have almost full custody of my teenagers and I don't know what is appropriate in trying to get a night of romance. Can I just tell them I'm spending the night at his house? Is it appropriate to allow him to spend the night with me occasionally? Also, I am struggling with knowing how much time I can spend away from my kids - they are 14 and 16 and wonder if I can leave them home alone to enjoy an evening out. Just trying to find the right balance.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.

Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. It would not be a wise idea to allow this man to spend the night over your house with your children there or not there unless you were soon to be married.

 

You can leave your 14 and 16 year olds at home for a few hours while you go out on a date with this man. There is nothing wrong with that. Just be open and honest and tell them exactly where you are going and what you are doing in case they need to contact you. Hopefully, they are responsible teenagers to be left alone at home for a few hours.

 

As for spending the night at his house, this is a really delicate situation. Of course this places everyone in a very awkward situation. Your children's minds will wander as to what exactly is happening while you are at his house. If at all possible, have your children spend the night over a relatives house while you spend the night at your man's house. Tell your children that you are going to spend some time with your male friend and will return the next day. They already know that you are spending the night with him so you cannot erase that fact. They are old enough to accept the fact that you have a boyfriend. You have been divorced a while as well. It sounds like you may be a little ashamed. Ask your children how they feel about the situation as well. Keep their feelings in the forefront too. This will make everyone happier in the end because I know that you want everyone to get along.

 

Hope this helps.Laughing

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I am ashamed and feel as if I have disappointed my kids, especially my son. Do I apologize to him again for what I have done and say it won't happen again. Do I just allow them so say whatever they want to me to express how they fell? They are good kids but depend on me so much that I feel tired and maybe resentful.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Wow..you sound a great mom who is willing to be so open and honest with your children. I applaud you tremendously for that. Sit down with both of your children. Tell them how you feel, ashamed and like you have disappointed them. They will appreciate your honesty. Then allow them to say whatever is on their minds about the situation. You need to know how they feel. If there are some things that you all disagree upon, try to reach an agreement that you all can live with.Smile
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