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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I have a 7 year old grandson. His mother and father have recently

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I have a 7 year old grandson. His mother and father have recently separated.
They were a very dysfunctional couple and my husband and I had to assume a lot of responsiblity for this child from 3 weeks of age on. I took care of him 3 days a week for the first 3 years of his life. At times he was with me more often as his parents would separate and then his dad would live with us for a month or so. during this time he would have Connor on the weekends. So sometimes we would have him 5 times a week.
They separated for one year during which time my son had custody. I looked after him Monday to Friday 6am to 7pm and often on Saturday as well. I took him to play groups,
nursery school, learn to skate, soccar and hockey. My husband and I took him camping with us and to visit his uncle in Toronto. After a year of separation they reconciled and the child was then living with them full time. By this time he was in Junior kindergarten and I continued to have him 3 afternoons a week plus I volunteered at his school in his class one morning per week.
My son and his partner have again separated and this time the mother denied myself and my husband access. We went to court for access and custody if possible. After not seeing him for almost 8 weeks we were given access and started to have him again on weekends for 3 days consecutively. This is the third weekend.
We were in court this week and a decision will be handed down in a few days as to temporary custody.
My concern is this---our relationship with our grandson is not the same as prior to his mother leaving and denying us access. It is obvious to my son and us that the mom has been saying some not nice things to him about us. I do not know how to handle this.
I have always had rules for him and we have always been able to talk. Now however he will just say that I am mean and am yelling at him when in fact I am just talking to him.
And he will cry. I know he must be very confused and not as trustful and I would appreciate any assistance that you can provide me as to how to handle this until custody is settled and we can see a professional about this.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. The best advice that can be offered to you regarding this situation is to continue being the loving and supportive grandparents that you have always been. The mother is obviously telling your grandson untruths about you. There is nothing you can do to stop her behavior. But your actions toward your grandson will show him how much you care for him despite what the mother says. Never bad mouth the mother or discuss any of the legal aspects with your grandson. Your grandson is young and does not to know all of the underlying issues. Once everything settles down, your son may need to be the one to talk to his own son about what has happened but in very general terms. You and your spouse just need to take a backseat. You are the "good guys" in this situation and your grandson will come around and see you in that manner in time.Laughing
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