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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I have a 19 year old son been dating a girl for 3 years and

Customer Question

I have a 19 year old son been dating a girl for 3 years and his girlfriends parents love him and have brainwashed him into isolating him from his family and telling him they are not normal. The daughter gets any thing she wants and has never worked and is taking one class at a community college a semester. He is at an ivy league school playing football. They have convinced him that i his mom is crazy and his brothers are adnormal. for the first time tonight he didnt come home and cant get a hold of him and the parents will and do not answer their phone. He is going back to school in a week and said he does not want to see his family or does he want them to come see him at school. Last week the parents sent a letter telling me and his brothers that we are adnormal and dysfunctional and crazy. My three sons are my life and I have done a great job in raising them. my oldest is in law school and this one at an ivy league school and they are trying to get him not to go back. He is locked up in their house and i have been unable to talk to him. They say they are very religious and try to use this to verify their actions. Help i am devasted they have brain washed my son and are destroying him and my family. They said I cannot do anything cause he is 19
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that you are having with your son. How long has he been brainwashed in your opinion? Where did he meet his girlfriend? How far away is his school from your house and the girlfriend's house? Does he seem fine with everything that is happening? Thank you!!!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

3years they have been working on this and want him to get married

Met her in high school

His college is 17 hours

Yes now he is talking about marring her soon she does not want him to go back

 

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.

Hello and Thank You for responding. Unfortunately, your son is an adult and can make adult decisions now. If he were under the age of 18, then you could step in and have more of a say. Continue seeing your counselor if you feel that it is helping you emotionally. Right now, all you can do is to try to encourage him to finish college so that at least he will have a degree from a awesome school which will hopefully enable him to land a great job. If you bad mouth the girlfriend and her family, that will create a greater distance between your son and your family. Just lay low for a while and continue to be as loving and supportive as possible in all of the things that he is doing that you agree with. It is virtually impossible to change another person. The only thing that you can control is your own reactions to the other person's actions. Keep your distance from the girlfriend's family as they do sound a bit odd. However, do maintain communication with your son but try to stay positive. He is still relatively young and is being manipulated by this girlfriend and her family. If you have been unable to break through to him, then maybe try and have his older brother talk to him in person.

 

Hopefully, I have provided some insight on this situation for you. Have a good weekend.

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