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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My name is XXXXX XXXXX I have a 10 year old and an 8 year

Customer Question

My name is XXXXX XXXXX I have a 10 year old and an 8 year old sons which I have full custody of and are with me 100% . My other half is Charlie and he has a 10 year old son Dalton which he shares 50/50 custody with his ex wife Julie. Charlie and I have lived together for a year plan to wed and buy a house.

Dalton is with us 50% of the week but when he goes back to Julie he reports every thing to her. If we went to the bank, what we had for dinner, what we talk about, that we are buying a house, just absolutly every thing he reports. Well Julie doesn't like me nor Charlie. She has told me she will do any thing to make Charlie unhappy. Yes, misery loves company.
Dalton reporting every thing to his mother causes problems in my home because she is spitful and will say mean things via text and try to cause problems. Her goal is to get us to break up. We have talked to Dalton numberous times about what goes on in my house is none of his mothers business but the first chance he gets he's telling her personal information again. It just keeps going.

This craziness upsets my whole house. my kids can tell that this stuff is hurting me and they feel the tension. Charlie states that it will stop within time but it has been a year and still goes on. I don't think it will ever stop! I don't know what to do I feel like I can't do any thing around Dalton because he will report it to his mother and it will be twisted and made out to be some thing else to start problems. I feel uncomfortable when he is here in my house and I would prefer to stay in my room. I FEEL VIOLATED! Charlie of course protects his son's behavior and blames it all on Julie but Dalton is 10 and knows right from wrong.
I have tried family group sessons that was 8 weeks long and it helped my boys but Dalton didn't change. I need advice on how to handle this situation and need insight on what you think the problem is! P.S Julie wants Dalton full time so she can get welfare and child support.



Thank you
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I need a little more background information from you.

 

How long have Julie and Charlie been apart?

Do you know why they divorced?

Does Julie have a man in her life?

Does Julie own a house?

What is Dalton's personality like?

Does Dalton get along with you and your children?

Is Dalton Julie's only child?

Do you have to interact with Julie?

 

Thank you. I will respond back to you. Laughing

 

 

 

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

They have been divorced for 3 1/2 years. Charlie divorced Julie for having affairs.

 

Yes, Julie is living with a man. She has lived with hiim for a few month. No Julie doesnt own a house she has moved 6 or 7 times since they divorced and i believe 4 of those moves she was losing her house so she moved in with her boyfriend.

 

Dalton is not her only child. they have another child together but he is of age now. Charlie raised the oldest child. Julie would take off and Charlie wouldnt see her for months or years.

 

Dalton does get along with my children. In the beginning it was rough because Dalton would talk about our lives at school and bad mouth every one and my boys go to the same school and it would upset my children. Dalton and i have always gotten along as well but his mother doesn't like me and she tells him to stay away from me.

 

Dalton has alway been babied and his parents dont make the decisions. Dalton tells them what he is going to do and that's that or he will cry until he gets his way. Dalton will cry and maniplates to get his way in every aspect. He doesn't take ownership for his actions. He will lie and say he didnt do it or blame some one else. He doesn't share and refuses to share. When he is told to share he will cry and say " I don't want to share, it's mine." When he told to share or what ever else the demand is he will ignore me or his dad as if he wasn't told.

 

I do all the exchanging for Dalton. When it is Charlie time to have him I drive and pick him up and when its her time she comes to my house and gets him. All exchanges are done by me because Charlie is at work during that time. Plus all of the kids go to the same school. my 10 year old (Alex) have been in the same class with Dalton for 4 years. So I see Julie at every field trip, class party and school funtions.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for responding. Julie may have many issues of jealously because you and Charlie are about to wed and buy a house which are two things that she is not doing. She obviously uses Dalton to push your buttons. She needs to assert more parental authority over Dalton and your husband needs to do the same. Dalton has learned to manipulate everybody to get his way. The situation of having the kids all go to the same school is a very awkward one which unfortunately keeps you in contact with Julie. She will always know what is happening. Maybe it would be better if she got full custody because Dalton and Julie seem to be slowly destroying the family life that you are trying to create. If your husband would not mind, maybe Dalton needs to be away from your family for a while so things can settle down a little. Charlie can meet with Dalton outside of the house as long as Julie agreed to that as well unless there are legal issues involved. Maybe you should seek counseling for yourself in how to deal with Julie and her manipulative son for the time being.
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Charlie isn't willing to give her full custody. Charlie has another son(27) and he is not Julie's. Charlie had the same problem with that child as well. Only difference charlie gave the mother full custody and moved on and that made his life calm down. Charlie makes excuses for dalton and blames it all on Julie. Dalton is 10 years old and knows better but still does these things.. I have no drama from my ex because my children don't play these games therefore they are not use to all these family issues. id dont know what to do but I am to the point that I want to walk away because my life is too hurtful and stressful.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
by the way Charlie won't give her custody because that is what she wants. if he gives her custody she wins the b.s battle. so it is about winning and losing
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
If you truly feel that you need to walk away from the relationship for a while at least for your own sanity, then it may be the wiser choice to do so. Charlie does not seem to be doing his part in your relationship. Everything seems to be falling on your shoulders which is not fair. Dalton needs some intensive counseling or he will only behave much worse.

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