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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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I hope that you can help me with some advice. I have a 23 year

Resolved Question:

I hope that you can help me with some advice. I have a 23 year old son who is going to quit his job as a trainee accountant as he wants to become a singer/songwriter/guitarist. We have tried to convince him to finish his training (2years) and continue with his music on weekends and evenings. However all advice from us and others have fallen on deaf ears. He has even spoken to people in the music industry who have said " dont give up the day job" but he very stubborn.

I advised him to speak to his manager and ask if they would give him a 6 month sabbatical but even that he wont consider.
It is very hard to see him throwing away his future and we have said we certainly cant support him forever. I have also suggested he looks for another job( part time ) before he leaves this one, but no he wants 3- 6 months to sit in his room composing before he may look for employment , which is certainly not easy at the moment. It took him 9 months of applications and interviews to find his current position.
I cant throw him out although I would like him to leave but if he is not working he wont be able to keep himself.
I feel that perhaps the music may be a slight excuse and perhaps he does not want to grow up and accept responsiblity.

Do hope that you can advise me as to the way forward. I have had many heated discussions with him and told him a few truths such as although I loved him I felt he was rude , arrogant and selfish. So now he doesnt speak, just comes out of his room for food ( behaving like a 17 yr old!) and I feel guilty and am not sleeping.

Should we just step back and say " get on with it" ?

Many thanks for reading my rant.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 2 years ago.
Obviously he feels entitled to act that way in YOUR house. Not sure where he gets that from. The botXXXXX XXXXXne is that it is your house and you can do what you want with or without his permission. If I am you then I would definitely stop nagging. And yes, support him in his endeavors. However, being an adult, I would have certain expectations of him living in my house. He needs to have chores, a curfew, and needs to pay for food and some bills. If he wants to be an adult then he needs to be responsible for one. So if he wants to quit his job or whatever then let him. However, if he can't pay his way at the end of the month then he needs to get out on his own. If you don't do this then you can expect more of the same behavior and taking advantage of you.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
thanks for your reply. Would you suggest I give him a time limit to get another job and then if he doesnt just suggest he finds somewhere else to live.?
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 2 years ago.
Don't even talk about a job. Simply lay out how you expect him to contribute around the house and if he doesn't or can't contribute then he can live somewhere else. Give him a time limit on when you expect your things to happen.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience: Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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