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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I have a 12 year old daughter who is becoming a teenager and

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I have a 12 year old daughter who is becoming a teenager and i hate it. i am loosing control so quickly. she is an only child, and has been very fresh and disrespectful. She wants to stay home by herself, but is very careless and I feel like it may not be safe. We have 3 large dogs, and if one of them gets out of the house, i do not think that she would be able to get it back. We have a pool, and I dont think she would go swimming without a parent home, but always makes me worry. She is careless and does not always lock the door, or loses her key, or her cell phone. She is very busy with her friends which is great, but she is always in such a rush to go somewhere, that she is doing things half fast around the house. She asks and follows me around the house antagonizing me, begging to go somewhere, makes her self cry, and manipulates. I go food shopping and ask for her to help me bring the groceries in, and every time without fail she has to got to the bathjroom, and stays in there so long that everything is put away. I cant wait for her to finish in the bathroom becasue my food would go bad. Anytime i ask for help, she comes up with some reason, or stubs her toe, or her stomach hurts or she has a headache. she is also grteat at acting incompetent at doing things to try to get away without doing it. If I ask her to carry in something, she will say its too heavy, and drop it on purpose. she tells me i embarass her, and not to wear that out of th house, or to do my hair, put on makeup. if i take her shopping, she rushes me and has even pushed me past stores because the world is all about her. This all happned overnight. I know that she will soon get her period, which i cant wait for, because maybe she wont be so emotional and sensative. She plays me against my husband, who is not her real father, and they both telkl me that the other one is lying. They both lie to me, and i dont know who to believe.
I need help
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.

Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that you are experiencing with your daughter. She is entering the teen age years with raging hormones, lots of drama, tremendous disrespect, and assertive attitude. In fact, she has already learned how to push your buttons and manipulate you. She knows that she has all of the control and that you have lost your ability to parent. She is probably being heavily influenced by friends and maybe even boys. Hopefully, she has not been exposed to drugs and/or alcohol which may be causing her mood swings.

 

However, there is hope. You must crack down on her hard. I mean really hard. Tell her that you have had enough of her disrespect. Tell her what you expect from her. When you tell her to do something, she must comply. If she does not, she will suffer consequences. Limit tv time, computer time, cell phone time, time spent with friends, etc. You may even need to write up your expectations and the consequences so that your daughter will have it posted and be constantly reminded of them.

 

The change in her behavior will not happen overnight. But you must stay in control and be the authority figure that you are!!! If she happens to get worse and totally out of control, call the police on her. This is more of a scare tactic.

 

If you are trying to enforce rules and still having difficulties, then I would suggest family counseling and even individual counseling for yourself and daughter so that you can learn intervention and coping strategies so that your daughter can be that angel that you so desire her to be. She is probably somewhat fearful about what the future teen age years ahead have in store for her. To tell you the truth, even the tv shows are horrible influences on our youth as well.

 

Hope this helps. Have a Happy Thursday!!!

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