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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My son will be 22 years old. It seems to me that any request

Customer Question

My son will be 22 years old. It seems to me that any request I have of him he either ignores or consistently puts me off. I feel hurt and not respected. I believe that when he has a need I try to help and assist. It appears to me it is more about what he wants and I am not that important. I do not like to keep mentioning and requesting, and I am very frustrated that I do not get respect or help. I do not know how to change this situation to where I feel better.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.

LaughingHello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that you are having with your son. I am not sure if you are the mother or the father but your son should not be disrespecting you at all in any way shape or form as long as he is residing in your home. If he is being that out of control, then as an adult he may need to find another place to live. You do not have to tolerate emotional abuse from your adult son. Set boundaries and limits. If he crosses them, he must suffer the consequences. You have the authoritative role as the parent. Do not let your son manipulate you. Step up to the plate and put your foot down TODAY. Talking to him will not change him at all. You can never change him. You can only change your reactions to his actions.

 

Hope this provides you with some insight. Have a great day!!!

proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
How do you get a 22 year old to respect you? He is and does what he wants. He is a good kid with good friends --- however, he does not help keep things picked up and neat.

Also if I am trying to tell him something I am interested in, he is not interested, doesn't care, doesn't share with me. Sometimes I miss having a girl to go shopping with --- and I will say that my husband is not warm and supporting of me. He has a personality disorder --- really, I didn't make that up.

My husband is a good guy --- but way too quiet. When my son or I ask my husband for his opinion, he takes 5 minutes or longer, and either does not reply, or quickly says, I don't know.

It is frustrating and lonesome.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 2 years ago.

I am sorry to hear about your family situation. So your son remains disrespectful, you have no support from your husband, and you feel all alone in your family? I would suggest family counseling for all of you to reconnect as a cohesive family unit. You, your son, and your husband are all on separate pages in the agenda of life. Family counseling will help especially if your son is going to continue living in your home.

 

In order to get your son to respect you, you and your husband must work together to set the household standards. You cannot do it alone. Explicitly tell your son what you expect and ask him why is he not complying. Give it a while along with the therapy. Your son has to have the will to change. It may be a time where he needs to move out and be on his own if refuses to give change a try.

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