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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My son is 15 years old and lives with me and my daughter, 12.

Customer Question

My son is 15 years old and lives with me and my daughter, 12. My ex-husband had a longterm affair and we divorced when my son was 4 years old. He has since married said woman, and they now have 2 children, 6 and 4.
My son seems to generally not get along with his step mum at all, in fact, he seems to hate her, and my daughter tells me this, too. Unfortunately, he knows that she had an affair with my ex when we were still married.
The problem ow is, though, hay my husband texted me earlier that he will need to talk to my son as he opened the bathroom knowing that his stepmuj had a shower in it. And he also hugged her, when my ex was not at home the day before, in a sexual way, rubbing her chest against him.
This is the second time he complains about something similar. My ex is very upset with my son, and I'm not surenhow to handle this. I think he's at an age at which he discovers his sexuality but This is a woman he seemingly hates. They really don't seem to get along at all, he thinks she is selfish, bossy, addicted to shopping, and I think she tells him off constantly, and he feels it's always him as the oldest, and I feel that he finds it hard to accept, her being just a step mum and also, too protective with her young ones. What shall I do? I suggest to my ex to approach a councillor but he finds the thought ridiculous. I'm just worried that he will just start shouting at my son, and make matters worse.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the situation between your son and your ex's new wife. There seems to be two conflicting situations prevalent. Your son may be attracted to her but he also hates her at the same time. She, on the other hand, claims she is afraid of him, but yet she seems to want to be in control of him by being too assertive. The problem is that it does not sound like you personally have witnessed much regarding the situations. So it would not be wise to confront your ex because it will make things worse. What you can do is to have an open and honest discussion with your son about how his step mom treats him and his feelings toward her. It is doubtful that your ex will talk with your son because he will not want any blame placed on his new wife. Therefore it is your responsibility to guide your son. Do you need your ex's approval to seek counseling for your son? If not, then please pursue that route. Your son may need a neutral source like a counselor or psychologist to express his feelings to without being judged. If he does have any sexual feelings toward his step mom, he will need to learn intervention and coping strategies in dealing with his feelings. As much as possible, try to take a back seat in this situation. Hope this provides you with some insight. Have a fantastic day.Laughing
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Actually, my ex is already planning to talk to my son, but I think he will just tell him off for doing inappropriate things. He was texting me earlier, saying that if he did it to anyone else, he could go to prison. I feel that he is completely exeggerating and not trying to understand why my son is doing it at all. And I feel that it will just make the relationship worse, and at the same time not help my son. So am I understanding correctly, that you feel that the situation is serious enough to involve a counselor/ psychologist?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Yes...do have your son see a counselor because I am sensing that your husband is going to put the blame on your son without accepting inappropriate behavior of his wife toward your son. Your husband is going to make things worse and your son needs to learn how to deal with this situation.
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Ok, thanks for being so clear about it. Many thanks.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Thank you!!!

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