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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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I have a 24 yr old daughter that was very talented growing

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I have a 24 yr old daughter that was very talented growing up. She went to college, got into drugs and the wrong kind of people. We brought her home twice and cleaned her up, propped her up, counseling, etc. She got pregnanat within a month of meeting a guy, married him and divorced one year later. She lives with a parolee that we know is still using/selling drugs and we know she is not straight. We have had the baby since she was born more than they have and she is 2 1/2 yrs old. We have had her solid for 7-8 months and won Temporary Custody d/t abandonement/emergency. My daughter is very unstable. She says "yes" and is happy as a lamb and then complains that we (family) are against her and trying to "steal" her daughter. She has gone so far as to get on facebook and call us kidnappers........we DO NOT WANT to steal the baby, but we can't allow (if we can prevent it legally) her to keep a child that she can't take care of. It's a matter of possession with her. She lives day to day. Stole my credit card and lived on it for a month before it was caught. She was supposedly two days away from being on the street, no food, car won't work, etc. Yet she continues to pick this man over the beautiful daughter that she has. She has been asked to come home several times to get her solid and she won't. She doesn't want to answer to us or anyone else. Is there someway to go about getting her to understand we are PROTECTING her daughter from the ex husband who is dangerous to the child for HER later when she gets her act together. One day she believes it and then she doesn't. She talks to the ex and they're planning on taking us to court in Texas. We won in Oklahoma because we reside in OK, but since the divorce was in Texas there is some jurisdiction question there.....I want my daughter back, I want to be a grandma and not another mommy (grandma's that are mommy's miss the excited squeal from grandma when she goes to pick them up, rather than the everyday and it's just grandma again...)the baby and I are super close, but we have kept positive her love for her mommy and her daddy telling her that they are at work and they love her. This goes on every night when I rock her and ask who loves her after we sing jesus loves me. She names all the adults and all the dogs.......there is no doubt that my daughter loves her, but I don't seem to be able to get through to her......this has gone on in different ways for 5 years.....really think she is jealous of the baby....and that has been mentioned by my friends early on. My daughter was the baby and loves the center of attention. Very intelligent and very manipulative. reminds you of Casey Anthony unfortunately. I don't want my grandbaby being Caley Anthony....help.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that you are having with your daughter. Does your daughter spend quality time with her child?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

The baby has been with us for 7-8 months. Sorry if I left that out.......she calls once in a blue moon and has visited the same.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Are you afraid of your daughter getting complete custody of her child or are you more concerned about ujst reassuring your daughter that her daughter is safer with you right now?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
there is no court in the land that I think would give her custody right now.....I want to reassure her.......but with her and the drugs it's up and down, up and down....what am I doing wrong?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
I have to step out of the office for a while and will respond in a bit if you do not mind.Laughing
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
that's okay. I'll check your response this afternoon. Thank you.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Ok...thank you!!!
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

Thank you for responding. No matter what you say to your daughter now will not matter because of her altered state of mind most likely due to her drug usage. She hears when you are talking but cannot rationally perceive the things that you say. Your grand-daughter is best looked after by you . I know that you mentioned that you want your daughter back and that you want to break through to her. However, you must realize that your daughter probably feels imprisoned by her problems. She is in a sense being held captive and in bondage due to her drug usage and the relationship with her partner. Some say that it takes thirty-one days to break a habit. Drug addiction pervades the life of the user, so radical changes must be made regarding your daughter's association with friends, involvement with social groups, and participation in activities surrounded by drugs and other drug users. The first step that you should take is to put your daughter...when she seems of a sound mind...in touch with a helping group or agency. Recommend a church, Bible study, or prayer group for Christian fellowship. If there is a pastor that you know that could visit your daughter, try that route. I doubt that your daughter would take the time to see another counselor or even a psychologist. Nonetheless, continue to extend your assistance in trying to help your daughter. Try to keep presenting your daughter with new ideas about having a better life. Remind her that she must yield herself to a higher power (Christ) rather to her old associations. Present to your daughter the power of the Holy Spirit to change her life continuously until that break-through happens!!! (I hope I did not offend you by submitting a religiously themed explanation but I had a sense that this was the direction in which I needed to explore for you.) Have a great day and great weekend. Hope this helps.Laughing

proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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