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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Here I am going to Dr. Phil (as my father always says, what

Customer Question

Here I am going to Dr. Phil (as my father always says, "what woud Dr. Phil say?). I am a single mother of a 17-yr old son; his father passed from murder when he was 3. As many parents I STRUGGLE at this age so much. He just graduated H.S. and is a fantastic boy but making poor choices in my opinion. I am so torn and heart stricken one hand I am glad he is at home safe w his friends yet on the other hand I hate the choices they have made to entertain themselves; it makes me sick. My son is so open with me and trust me with alot. My issue is w him smoking and not cigarettes and it makes me resentful of him; I do not like feeling that way. I want to help him through college I want to see him succeed and as of date he has what should one do and how sh
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the feelings that you are experiencing regarding your son. What are your specific questions that I can provide assistance with? Thank you!!!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I guess I am just seeking advise on how to handle such situation at his age; he will be 18 years old next month.


I understand the pressures out there with adolenscents today, I was one once myself and I was in alot worse of a situtation my parents promoted tough love and today I have succeeded. I tried to be compassionate and understanding but I feel he has taken advantage and assumed that to be acceptance from me.


He does drink minimal, he does smoke (I feel ecxessively) he does comply with my curfew/check-in rules and he does work and his management adores him. Do I accept the choices he makes and deal with it with hopes he will grow out of it? Do I let them (him and his friends) do this at my home or do I force them out and hope they make it home safe; Primarily my son!

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for responding, Your son is trying to assert his independence and still trying to be somewhat loyal to you as his mother. Whatever the rules are of the house that you have already established, your son must abide by them. Your son nor his friends should not be smoking or drinking in the house. Tell your son that you are not happy with his smoking and drinking. Have an open and honest talk with him and find out the reasons why he does it: To fit in with his friends, to be cool, because it makes him feel good, to attract girls. etc. Go even further and talk about the effects of smoking: lung cancer, emphysema, etc and the dangers of drunk driving. Let him know that as his parent, you are deeply concerned for his safety and overall well being and want the very best for him. You can even write him a heartfelt letter which might have more of an impact than a conversation since he can always refer back to the letter. Hope this helps. (It is only natural for a mother to worry about her children at any age.)

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