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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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When the childs birthday falls on Fathers day and it is the

Customer Question

When the child's birthday falls on Father's day and it is the Mother's year to have the child for her birthday, does Father's Day trump the child's birthday (also the Mother would have her the following day anyway)??
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

That is a good question. It seems that a child's birthday is a unique event in the child's life. The question should be not one that is answered by legalities and technicalities, however, but by the will of the birthday girl.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

It is always best for the child to try to have smooth relationships between divorced parents. If a compromise could be made, where the child could spend father's day with the father and the next day with the mother (with a big birthday party on THAT day), then a good solution can be reached.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

It is never in the best interest of the child to make a joyful holiday the cause of a serious argument. What do you think?

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

You don't seem to be responding, so let me say the following. This situation should be handled in a gracious manner by all parties concerned. What trumps everything is the feelings and well-being of the child. Even if there is bad blood between mother and father, they need to have the maturity and good sense to think of the child's well-being first. If they cannot do this, then the best they can do is to abide by the letter of the law.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

I hope I have answered your question, and wish a very happy birthday to your granddaughter.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Best wishes,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.
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Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.
Thank you so much.

Elliott
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Even if there is bad blood between mother and father, they need to have the maturity and good sense to think of the child's well-being first. If they cannot do this, then the best they can do is to abide by the letter of the law.

Which brings me back to the original question...what is the "letter of the law" in this matter. I should mention that Father's Day would be the day our family would be celebration her birthday with her. Also the only day that we would have all members of the family together for both events. Her mom does not ususally do anything "big" at all for her birthday but would ask for her if she thought it would mess up our plans...sad but true :( We do not want to be the difficult ones - we just want to celebrate her day with all members of the family.


Customer: replied 3 years ago.

the last part of my question I am still not clear about. I am sorry, I had a phone call while he was responding and could not continue the conversation.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
still waiting on an answer to the above reply...maybe I am not doing something correct.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.
Hello, and thank you for getting back to me. I was busy with a client until now and did not become available until just a moment ago.

The last part of your question, was " Does Father's Day trump the child's birthday?" If I have been unclear on my answer above, let me tell you that the child's birthday is more important. Most important is avoiding drama, tension, arguments, or any negativity, for that will become the unwanted centerpiece of her birthday.

Best wishes,

Elliott Sewell

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
So we should let her choose where she would like to spend her birthday? I am very ok with that. She is has been put in the middle too often and she is just too precious for this!! Ok, thank you! We will just make other arrangements if she chooses to go back to her Mother's for her birthday. The only thing I forsee happening is...she may choose to be with us and then what do we say to her mother?
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.
Thank you again for getting back to me,

I am so pleased when talking with a reasonable person who is willing to work for the good of the child, rather than for their own personal gratification.

I think that letting her choose where to spend her birthday should be her decision, and she should understand that everyone is OK with her decision, that her mom and dad and grandparents all love her and always want to stand behind her.

If her mother is a reasonable person, then she should be happy to support her daughter's decision and she can rest assured that the celebration of her birthday will continue when she returns to her.

Your granddaughter will have the benefit of an entire birthday "weekend", which should thrill her very much.

You may use a printed copy of our exchange as a "document" to show that you have sought non-partisan advice. In fact, when I first answered this letter, I though you were on the mother's side of the family, which did not affect my answer.

If she decides to be unreasonable, then you will have to obey the letter of the law and let her mother have her way. If she does that, she will be making a bad impression on her daughter for her unreasonable manner, and this will be to her deficit as well as to your grandaughter's.

Hopefully, she has the maturity and wisdom to keep the tone peaceful and constructive, and she will do what is right, reasonable, and best for her little girl.

Best wishes,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC

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