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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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HI, My name is Jaime, About 2 yrs. past my 24 yr. old son

Customer Question

HI, My name is Jaime,
About 2 yrs. past my 24 yr. old son Steve met a seemingly nice girl named Amber. They moved in together and all was fine until financial difficulties arose.
The choice they opt'd for was to move in with me (mom) until all was caught up in a couple of mo.s.
I willingly provided them with a roof: rent free, 1/3 of Elec. bill, and most import of all If you break it you… , you dirty it…you clean it, and so on. which fell by the way side immediately. okay! Amber began cussing me out, threatening to attack me physically, removing my med.'s from my purse, and stealing and/or destroying my possessions. Steve witnessed her vulgarity and knew about her other actions. Of course, I asked them to leave, They moved in with his Dad.
My son's no longer allows any communication between us. He blocked me out.
Can you help me?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that you are having with your son. It sounds as though your son is being manipulated by Amber and he lets her have her way with anybody and anything. She is not the type of woman that should be in your son's life but unfortunately she is. If they act the same way at Steve's dad's house, he will and should get tired of their laziness, put his foot down, and tell your son to step up to the plate and be a man. But for now, continue to stay as positive as you can. Time heals all wounds. Keep calling and emailing and texting every so often to see how things are going with your son. Do not expect that you will get a response. But your actions will let your son know that you still love him and care for him despite what Amber has done. If you can talk to Steve's dad about how things are going with Steve, then feel free to do so. As a mother though, you will always worry about your son. Let the pain go and relish in the fact that one day the son that you knew before Amber came into the picture will return. You must stay positive though.

If you need more assistance, let me know. Have a good evening!!!

proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Hi,
My son finally came by the house and we talked. Immedeatly I noticed a wedding ring on his finger. I asked him, are you married? (he is so matter of fact with me)
He answered yes. I asked if they went to the JP "no" it turns out their grandmother paid for a nice sized wedding with all the frills. Can I tell aunt Julie? (my sister and her family) She already knew and gave them a check, that was a month ago.

I am the only person (mom) that did not know. I assume his wife Amber had a part in their choice, Steve's never shown me any love or respect either. There are 9 Kloppe's on his dad's side whom attended. Out of 9 and me being 1, wouldn't you agree someone could have told him…your Mother should be here for a big event in (his) life? I shoulder so many questions about all of that. When his pop divorced me I thought I only had 1 heart to break. Will you please share you opinion and feedback with me?
Respectfully,
Jaime
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for allowing me to assist you. I am sorry to hear that you were not included in the wedding festivities of your son. What you might do is to invite your son and Amber out to lunch. A public place would be better because things should not get out of control in a public place. Start out by telling them that you congratulate them on their marriage but do not say that you are happy for them...unless you truly are. Continue by asking them some of the minor details about the wedding. Then, although this may be difficult, tell them,,, not ask them... that you wished you would have been at the weediing to share in their joy. Wait to see how they reposnd. Amber will probably have some rude and insensitive remark but just let it go. Tell them that you are willing to start from this day forward and forget about all past difficulties and tension between all of you. See how they respond. If Amber does all of the talking, just listen. She obviously has the control in the relationship. If the conversation seems to be going downhill, tell them thnak you for spending time with you. Then you will have to discuss this matter further with your son. Hope this provides you with a sense of direction. Hang in there.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
When told..I didn't overreact as I have not threw your great advice. It feels so detached, more than ever now. It is difficult for me to cope. I remain with the question? Why didn't any of that side of the family (except for his brother) make suggestions to the sensitivity I hold as his Mother?
Thank you,
Jaime
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Hello...I am sorry to hear about the pain that you are feeling. Somebody, possibly your son or his wife, has probably painted a picture of you as an awful and uncaring mother. Both your son and his wife are probably still upset that you kicked them out and did not want you around at the wedding. It is painful when it seems as though your own flesh and blood has turned their back on you. You must make all attempts to try to talk to your son alone and see if he can let down the walls and express his feelings toward you and the reasons for those feelings. You deserve to know what is really going on because you are his mother. If he refuses to talk with you, let time pass. Time heals all wounds. He may come around when you least expect it. But since the feelings that you have are virtually eating up your every breath, please seek professional counseling to learn intervention and coping strategies. You will be alright. Life is full of ups and downs. There is a bright light at the end of this seemingly dark tunnel. Take care.

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