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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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child frightened of pircing and long haired male

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hi, i have 3 year old grandson who is frightened of my daughters boyfriend because of long untidy hair (comparing to the rest of the male that he knows who are well groomed)and a lip piercing, he is OK with him after the initial hiding and not wanting to talk to him, he says that he is a thief. later he starts to talk to him and plays with him.  the boyfriend tried giving him toys to build the relationship with the child, it works and later that night or next morning he starts saying that he does not want to see the thief, and this will repeat each time that they meet. the other issue is the piercing, how can we explain it to him, my son only tries to change the subject or even says i do not know, we want to do the right thing by the child and tackle both issues to help our grandson. thank you. loving grandmother

Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. If you are religious, you can use the analogy with your grandson of how Jesus had long hair and he was a wonderful man. If your grandson believes in Santa, talk about how Santa has long hair and is in no way a thief. Explain to him how some people have short hair and others prefer longer hair...just like people their favorite toys. Ask him what does he think the boyfriend should do with his hair. If he replies, to cut it, then tell your grandson that it would still make him the same person. The more the boyfriend is around and interacts positively with your grandson, the better the relationship will become. Maybe your grandson saw a movie or tv show that had a long haired thief as one of the characters.


With regards XXXXX XXXXX piercing, he needs to be told that it is a way for people to decorate their bodies. You can discuss hair colors, tattoos, and then body piercing. First talk about how individuals get their ears pieced and others like to do the same in other body parts because they like the way it looks and we must be accepting of it. Tell him that even one day he may want long hair and a piercing. You never know!!

Hope this helps. If you need more advice, just ask!!! Have a good day!!!Laughing

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
what if the piercing is something we as family find it hard to accept, how can we explain it to him?
You must be really careful in explaining the piercing. If you state that you do not accept it to your grandson, then he will in turn interpret that statement as meaning that you do not accept the boyfriend. Just tell your grandson that the boyfriend likes it but you personally would not get such a piercing. He must understand that it is a personal choice that some people like and others do not and it is perfectly fine to have differing opinions.Smile
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