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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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I am a Latina mom to a 2 year old daughter. My husband is White.

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I am a Latina mom to a 2 year old daughter. My husband is White. I have asked him to ask his father to please stop tickling our daughter, especially around her buttocks, because it makes me very uncomfortable. In my family, little girls are raised in a very strict way. We weren't aloud to sit on men's laps, or "horse"play with them. That's the way I was brought up, so it makes me very uncomfortable when I see my father in-law tickling my baby all the time. He sits her on his lap and his hands are always resting around her diaper. I have never seen him touch her innapropiately, but this is just not an acceptable behavior to me. On top of that he was always more than willing to change her diaper, and washing her after she pooped, when she was a baby. It always bothered me, but I didnt say anything because I didnt want to start any controversy. My husband has two girls from a previous marriage, 7 and 10 years old. I can see that our cultures are very different when it comes to bringing up little girls. I believe that as long as there is a woman in the house, no man should be taking care of diaper duties for a little girl. I have asked my mother in law, sister in law and my husband to please talk to him and tell him to refrain from changing her diaper and not to tickle her. They all flew into a rage, saying they were offended I would even think he is doing something to the baby. I never said he was doing anything, just that it makes me uncomfortable because I was not brought up that way. My mom would have never let an uncle or any men take me to the bathroom, let alone tickle me like he does, etc. I grew up in a single mom's home. He is a great grandfather, and teaches her her colors, and numbers and all that. All I am asking is that he sticks to doing that kind of stuff with her, educational stuff, not diaper duties and to stop tickling her. I must admit I am very paranoid when it comes to her. How can I handle this situation. I have been on the verge of yelling at him "STOP TICKLING HER" when I see his hands around her diaper and stuff. I just feel my blood boiling inside, and I know he knows it bothers me, he's an adult, he can see my anger reflecting on my face when I take her away from him, but yet, any chance he gets, he starts tickling her again. It just makes me nervous, but the reaction I got from my husband and his family was so bad to this problem, that I don't know what to do. I am not accusing him of anything, I just want him to stop and for all of them to understand that I am from a different culture and to me his behavior is not acceptable. Should I just work the nerve to confront him directly and ask him to stop. I dont want to strain the relationship with my in-laws but this situation is so uncomfortable for me. I'm at the point where I dont even want to go anywhere without the baby, bc I dont want to leave her alone without my supervision. We all live in the same house, but thank God we are moving out in June. What do you suggest I do? Thank you.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

Hello and thank you for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the problems that you are having with your father in law. There is already tension because you have made it known to other family members that you do not approve of the tickling. The tickling in and of itself is fine but not so frequently around the diaper area. Also, it is unusual for a male to always want to change a diaper and bathe a toddler so often. He may just be trying to be helpful but since his actions make you feel extremely uncomfortable, you must confront him in a respectable manner. You may feel like screaming at him but try to refrain from doing do. Take him aside one day when no one else is around and explain all of your feelings. See what kind of explanation he offers. Make it known what you do not like and what you prefer...if anything. Your husband and other family members will probably be very irate that you confronted your father in law. But this is your daughter and you are concerned about her overall safety and well being. It is a shame that your husband is not backing you up. At least you will be moving out soon so the contact with your daughter will be curtailed.

 

If after moving out the behavior continues, call your local child abuse agency. I am not saying that your father in law has or will abuse your daughter. The agency will specifically be able to tell you what further steps to take, what to look out for, etc.

 

Another alternative is to seek counseling for yourself if your family seems to be turning against you on this issue.

 

Hope this has helped or at least provided you with some insight. Thank you and have a great day!!!Laughing

proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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