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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Our 18 year old is just about to finish high school end of

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Our 18 year old is just about to finish high school end of May, he is working 4 nights a week as pizza delivery driver and pays us a small amount each month towards insurance, problem is he is disrespectful to our requests that he not be staying out each night and spending night over at friends every weekend night, if we try and restrict him he just lies or sneaks. I told my husband maybe we shouldn't even be trying to restrict him at this stage but let him go. He is late quite a lot to school but doing okay and says he wants to go to College but his poor efforts academically and tardies have us worried about sending him away to College, we are only willing to start with a local community college. We think he is smoking pot and drinking and have done drug tests that have shown some light pot use but we are hoping it's not more than occasional and that drinking isn't out of hand.
He has said he is willing to pay us something toward rent to gain his freedom from "our control" over him. What do we do? My husband is furious that he lies to us and shows disrespect to not abide by our rules, he doesn't seem to know what he wants to do and spends every second free hanging out with friends we don't know much about.

Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that you are having with your son. He is on easy street right now. He can come and go as he pleases and does not care about the rules and regulations of the household. If he wants to take on the responsibilities of being an adult, then he must act like one...a responsible one though. If you have imposed consequences on him and he still lies, hangs out overnight, etc, then once he graduates from high school, you may need to offer him an ultimatum: Either he abide by all of the rules of the house or go find another place to live. As long as he is under the roof of your house, HE MUST follow the rules. Kicking him out is "tough love" which is what he may need to grow up and be more responsible. Hopefully though, he will shape up after you tell him what his choices will be after graduation. It is obvious that you love and care for your son deeply but it is not emotionally healthy for you to have a disrespectful adult son carrying on the way he does.


Hope this has provided some insight. If you need more advice, just ask!!!

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
So is it reasonable rules if we ask that he not be out too much with his friends or overnights too often when we think he is excessive? Or is this something he should decide for himself if he's paying us monthly and letting us know at least where he's at and when he's going to be home and helping with stuff we ask him to do (which he does). I guess I want to make sure that setting restrictions on the number of sleepovers he has isn't going a little too far at his age... I never even thought of having as many sleepovers as he does so it's unusual to me.
As long as he is in your house, you can establish the house rules no matter how much he is paying. Limit the overnight stays and how much time he spends with friends. Make him check in with you. Even if he was 25 years old and living in your house, you can still impose rules. When he has moved out, he can do whatever he pleases.
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