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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Hi, My partner and I are expecting our first baby. My partner

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My partner and I are expecting our first baby. My partner was previously married and has a 2.5 year old daughter. I really need some advice on the amount of time we are getting with his daughter. Her mum currently dictates how much time as previously when we asked for more time, the daughters mum would take her away and refuse contact for my partner with his daughter. They have an old mediation agreement which only gives us 24-48 hours with his daughter each week and he is refused any other contact or change to the schedule the mum has set out. I am really worried the limit amount of time with his daughter will have a big emotional impact on her when our baby is born. Want her to feel apart of this family as well not just like we are babysitters for one night a week. I just would like to know what is the appropriate amount of time to have her to make her feel secure and apart of each family as we want to do everything right by his daughter. Any advice or recommendations would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, Tahnee
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. Since your attempts are failing to amicably resolve the issue of allowing the young girl more time, then the next step would be the legal route to see if visitation lenghts of times can be changed. The girl's mother is probably going to try to fight you and your partner all the way on this issue. She may be jealous that her ex has a new person in his life (you), and she may even be more jealous that you are expecting a child with her ex. For now when you do spend time with partner's daughter, just continue to provide a loving and supportive environment.. Even if after you go to court and you still are awarded the 24-48 hours, make the most of that time. You really to do not want to change the young girl's routine by shuffling her from Mommy to Daddy's house too often. She needs some stability. Spending every weekend with you and your partner seems fine. It would be nice if it was more but maybe when the baby is older, that would be more feasable. She will not feel left out now. She is still so young to truly comprehend what is happening. See how she adjusts when the baby comes. 24-48 hours may be just enough. You can still make her feel secure in a short amount of time.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for your reply I really appreciate your advice. The issue is it is affecting her as we don't have constant weekends with her. It is 1 night through the week and every fortnight 24 hours on the weekend - she then doesn't have contact with us sometimes the space of 9 days and she is very put out in the situation as she doesn't even get phonecalls from her dad as these are refused. She also goes into 5 day a week child care as both parents work, so we are very aware of not shipping her back and forth too much but feel this situation isn't working only making the poor little one very emotional as she crys each time her dad drops her off and going to sleep at night. Is there any other suggestions we could put to the mother that would create stability for the daughter but still make her feel comfortable when she has to leave our house as she is devastated lately.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for responding. Have your partner suggest to your ex that he would like to have his daughter spend weekends with him . If every weekend does not work, suggest every other weekend at first. The little girl should at least be afforded that much time. If the mother does not give in, have your partner ask her reasons why and make sure that they are documented in case they need to be used in court. It seems as though this case is headed to court to be solved. The daughter is getting older and more time needs to be spent with her dad. The mother just seems somewhat selfish.
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