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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1473
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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Our daughter is 27 years old and lives under our roof with

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Our daughter is 27 years old and lives under our roof with 2 her babies. We offered up our home to get her out of a bad situation & allow her the chance work on an assoc degree. Besides being in class 3days/week she works nights at a restaurant. She is gone most of the time and we take care of all of the boys needs (playing, feeding, bathing, bedtime etc). We have the boys all waking hours and she is on duty from midnite to 7 am or so. My husband and I are both in agreement that the boys wouldn't be taken care of well if they are not under our roof. It is exhausting but we asked for it. We know we are being taken advantage of, but my husband does not want to discuss anything uncomfortable with her. He is against charging rent or payment for anything. He doesn't want to make waves. %
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 5 years ago.
What is she doing with the money? How is she taking advantage of you? How long will the two of you continue to tiptoe around your own home?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Dr. G -

In my opion, she basically blows the money. Sh eats every meal out. She grabs a cookie on her way to class but buys lunch every day after school with friends and eats at the restaurant at night and fast food whenever she is hungry. The rest of the paycheck goes for clothes for her and the boys. She likes to shop and I believe it is to avoid coming home and taking responsiblity at home, as it is uneccessary shopping. We feel taken advantage of because we are here to babysit (I hate to call it that when they are our grand children) anytime she is not home. On her nights off she tells us she is going out with friends and assumes we will take care of the boys. I tend to blow up every once in a while because it does build up. I am ashamed of my yelling as I would rather have a nice conversation. Daughter then gets mad and says she can't wait to move out and live her own life. Husband agrees with me but does not want to bring any uncomfortable subject up. She has lived with us off and on ever since she tried college and living on her own. Her bills were always late and she has been evicted about (3) times in 6 years. She tried marriage for 5 months to someone she did not know well. We have always bailed her out and I am wanting to see her grow up and take responsibility. We see her living her a few more years as she can at least get an associated degree.

Expert:  Dr. G. replied 5 years ago.
The botXXXXX XXXXXne in this situation is that she will take advantage of the two of you until you two put a stop to it. It is definitely time to lay down some ground rules in the house. The both of you need a social life too and it shouldn't always be with the grandkids. The two of you sit down with her and say that when she is in school then you will watch the children. Other than that, she is responsible for tending to the welfare of the children. You need to put this responsibility back on her. The two of you make your plans to go out of the house and leave her alone with the kids. No need to argue about it with her. Just keep your calm and say the only time I will watch them is when you work. She needs to figure it out otherwise. If she cannot abide by this then she is free to leave anytime.
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