Our (son & mine) relationship has been limited once he decided to move out into an appartment and then into to his mother's guest house, so he and his first girlfriend could live together. I totally disagreed with this as they were only 18 years of age.There are so many issues here, and with all relationships so it's hard on which one, to focus on. Son's relationship with parents is what I call convienent - it's good when he gets what he wants from them. - like now with Dad, son & girlfriend come to eat and run. Somwhat typical of young kids, but it's very obvious they are only interested in the food. Once parnets disagree or object, relationship goes on hold. I'm tired of holding my tounge, son avoids confilct, won't make himself available to speak to, brings the girlfriend EVERYWHERE! He does however, have the capability of hearing and then thinking things over later on. I 'm aware of how to phrase things so he can see that I'm trying to help rather than lecture. I guess I'm just not sure how he will react with his father as I am the wife, once I say things. Sorry there are so many layers here, this has been developing ever since he was young. Thank you for your help, hoping this gives you more of a picture.
Right now, your role is just to sit back and observe and bite your tongue even if it is killing you inside. Your husband should be the one to speak to your step son.
Here are some books as you requested that will give you some detailed advice:
Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children
by: Allison Bottke
The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role
by: Perdita K. Norwood and Teri Wingender
Stepmotherhood: How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked
by: Cherie Burns
The Happy Stepmother
by: Rachelle Katz
Great, thank you - figured that was my role. ha ha. Any relationship books for the step son? Perhaps one to help finding a decent relationship?
a bit more info...He says he's not going to marry her and has no interest in kids - my relpy is "why waste her time"
That's exactly how we feel. Thank you so much for your help and time. I look forward to receiving the list. I greatly appreciate your advice so now when I sit back and bite my tounge at least I know some agrees with my approach and perhaps it will all work out eventually.
Here is the other list:
The Heart of Love: How to Go Beyond Fantasy to Find True Relationship Fulfillment
John F. Demartini
Inspired Destiny: Living a Fulfilling and Purposeful Life
How to Attract Your Soulmate: The Secrets of Lasting Love
How to ttract Your Ideal Mate
Finding True Love: The 4 Essential Keys to Discovering the Love of Your Life
Daphne Rose Kingma
Have a great day!!!! Glad to assist you.
Thank you - you too!