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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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How can I helpmy 9-year old grandson learn to tell the truth

Customer Question

How can I helpmy 9-year old grandson learn to tell the truth? It is becoming increasingly difficult to trust him. Is there a quick fix?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.

Hello and welcome to Just Answer. Your grandson is at the age in which he is simply trying to test your limits and push your buttons. He also likes the negative attention that lying brings on. Additionally, lying gives your grandson power and control...so he thinks. There is really no quick fix to lying. When he is caught in a lie, consequences must be enforced. Limit his fun activities and take his most prized posessions away. He has to earn them back by telling the truth. Also, a more drastic measure would be to tell him a lie so that he sees how it feels. Promise that you will take him to his favorite place or that you will buy him something. Go to the store and then say, "Oh I lied. I am not going to do......" Then ask him how he feels and explain that lying produces hurtful feelings. It is sort of like giving him a taste of his own medicine ...so to speak. Some parents have tried the last one with great success but it is not the best alternative.

 

To help your grandson learn to tell the truth, speak honestly to him. Have him look you in the eye when speaking. Tell him not to be fearful of telling the truth. He may need to build up his self esteem so you will need to be more positive when he does lie. Although it may be difficult, try not to become angry when he lies. Teach him to tell the truth and that he will get into more trouble lying. Furthermore you can explain how lying as a grown up about certain issues can land him in jail.

 

If you need more advice, just ask.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
His parents and I have tried all the things you have suggested. Anything new?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
I will be out of the office until tomorrow . Do you mind if I get back to you tomorrow?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Not at all.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Thanks!!!
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.

Hello..Lying is a learned but changeable behavior. He may have seen a movie about lying or may even have friends who lie. Children who lie only want their parents and grandparents to think they are doing what is supposed to be done. Some lie because they do not want to disappoint their parents. Children need to know that they are loved no matter what. When you even have an inkling that the child is lying say, "That does not sound like the truth to me." Then here is the newest advice...if the child is in fact lying...have him choose his own consequences for lying but it must be something that makes him uncomfortable. He will start to hate having to choose the consequences for his misbehavior, which should start to decrease.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
You have not told me anything that I did not already kow and try. I am sorry, but I expected help tha I have not received. I will pay you the MINIMUM $$ that Just Answer will accept for your time. Please let me know what that amout is. Thank you.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Do not feel obligated to pay if you need another answer. I will direct your question to another expert who can assist you further. Thank you and good luck with your grandson.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Please just cancel. This is not what I expected it to be.

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