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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I have been separated from my ex-partner for approximately

Customer Question

I have been separated from my ex-partner for approximately 5 years and we have a daughter of 7 years old. Communication broke down in our relationship around 3 years ago and we went to mediation. Although this helped for a while, things have recently again hit a low point. I would really like us to get on better for the sake of our daughter. Recently, he has started to involve her in our disputes. For example, my daughter and I were invited to a Christening which happened to fall on his contact weekend. Although I gave him a week's notice, he was unhappy that I had asked. He text me the morning of the Christening to say he would not be bringing her back as agreed. I tried to compromise and replied suggesting he bring her to the church so she could attend the service and then he could do something with her for the rest of the day. He ended up bringing her home but she was very upset. She told me he'd said he was going to take her bowling, swimming, roller skating and to the cinema but he was disappointed with Mummy so she wouldn't get any treats. This is not the first time something like this has happened. To be honest, I don't know what to do anymore as everything I have tried either doesn't work or only works for a while. I can't continue like this, we separated such a long time ago and I'm very concerned about the damage it may cause our daughter emotionally. He has now met someone who he seems serious about as he has recently introduced her to our daughter (who seems to like her very much) so I had hoped this would change things for the better. If anything, it seems worse as he seems to want to impress his new partner by holding me up as a bad example. Is there any sort of mediation service that could also talk to our daughter and help her through this as well? Jackie
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.

Hello.. your ex may be simply holding onto bitterness about the breakup from years ago. He probably has a great deal of repressed anger issues and could have benefitted from continued mediation. It does not matter if he has another partner in his life or not. He will still "bad mouth" you. He wants to try and control you. He hopes that by "bad mouthing" you, it will push your buttons and cause you to have negative reactions. You have to be the stronger person and continue to act in the most positive way possible. You cannot change your ex. You can only change your reactions to him. Also, you might want to seek therapy for your daughter as she is being put in the middle of this sitaution and it is not her fault.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Would you suggest going back to mediation and where can I find suitable therapy for my daughter?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
A definite yes to mediation. You cannot fight this battle alone. It is too stressful and your ex seems very hostile and uncooperative.

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