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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
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I asked my 16yo daughter a question this morning and she lied.

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I asked my 16yo daughter a question this morning and she lied. She then covered the lie over and over trying to convince me that I was acting like NCIS!! Finally when I said that I could just take the cup and have it tested to see if there were signs of her meds in there she said she did not take them. I did stay calm but it was very unnerving to be lied to dead in your face when I knew in my heart she did not take them. What is a good consequence and how do I handle our next conversation about it?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 3 years ago.

Hi,

 

would you please clarify what medication is she on and if she is receiving therapy?

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
SHe has type 1 diabetes and Hashimotos disease. She was dx at age 8.She recently was found to have a high gluten allergy and dairy allergy so she has been on a gluten free dairy free diet for 2 months and it was juiced greens that she did not drink which is part of her regimen. She calls it medicine. It does not bother me that she did not drink them and all she needed to say was I did not drink them this morning. That has happened before and I never feel I over react. But to continue the charade of saying yes I did drink them and keep it going as long as she did concerns me.
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 3 years ago.

Thank you for clarifying. Her behavior is driven by something that servers her (even if it is unhealthy or "wrong") Some speculations- 1/ she may be trying to avoid these diagnoses and not think about them or that they in a way control her life, hence telling you what you want to hear 2/ she does not want you to worry and wants to please you 3/ she is struggling with this regimen (maybe she feels odd or compares herself to others= self esteem issues) 3/ she could have felt in control of her own life at age 16 and thinking what she does is best for her (in a way trying to take control of her health and life the best she knows how to)

 

It may help to find out from her how she perceives your expectations and if she has issues with them where do they stem from. do these have to do with her frustration regarding her diagnoses, does she feel you're trying to correct this for her or to control her, does she feel stifled, etc. Talking to her and finding out her perspective and what fuels it may be step one for you. Then, you would want to re-educate her as to the reason why you're asking her to do this. Third, you can let her know that you cannot watch her 24/7 and would like to have some trust in her that she will do what is best for her health regardless of whether she agrees about this during this time of her life.

 

You may let her know that the only consequence is her health on the line and your level of trust that the two of you share. The conversation can focus on empowering her (what you know she's capable of , what is good/healthy for her and in strengthening your mother-daughter bond and trust level) Punishing her for this now would be counter productive and you know she can do and tell you what she wishes. Try to find out what is causing this resistance in her. Does it have to do with taste, routines, reminding her of her issues, etc. and take it from there.

 

Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
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