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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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I am the mother of three teenage children and I need serious

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I am the mother of three teenage children and I need serious help! I had my children very young and was married to a man 10 yrs older than me at age 15. We are divorced now for five yrs because of his controlling issues, in which I outgrew and gained enough security in myself to leave him. I have been a correction officer for five years and will soon be graduating college with a B.S. in Criminal Justice. I feel I have achieved alot considering my childhood and adolescent years. I know I have done my best to be a good mom. My children's ages are 13,15, and 19. Their father gives me absolutely no support or help with them. My nineteen yr old never gave me problems and always had many friends and done very well in school. In fact, she earned a full scholarship and is now going to nursing school. My 13 yr old is an awesome athlete and achieves much academically. Although, he does not like to help me at all with household chores. He can be very lazy. The REAL problem is with my fifteen yr old who is constantly trying to control the household. He has shot high powered pellets through his bedroom wall, threw large rocks into the wall aiming at his brother, called me a bitch among many other names, told me that he wishes I was dead and that he hates me, told his brother that he was going to kill him in his sleep, slung me down, kicked me, etc. he weighs 230 lbs and is 6 ft tall. I'm small (5'2- 130 lbs) The list could go on and on about his behavior. He does not apply himself at all in school. In fact, his grades are all F's. I do not suspect drug or alcohol use. He has severe anxiety attacks and that's when things really heat up. I've always suspected that he had ADD, but I never wanted to medicate him because of the side effects of the medications. He is a "know it all" kid who thinks that all adults are below him intellectually. I don't know how to cope with it anymore. I have taken things away, refused to give him money, etc. Nothing works! I have felt at times like driving myself off a cliff to escape it. I have begged his father to help me, but he won't. His priorities are way out of line. I did try to take him to a counsellor, but he refused to go anymore after two visits. Any advise would be helpful and appreciated. Thank You!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Is your 15 year old defiant towards you all of the time? Does he ever have any good days? Does he have many friends?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
He doesn't have good days it's more like good hours. He can be good as gold, but it's usually when he is really excited about something(a place we are going or something we are buying). He is defiant most of the time, but can be very sweet to me sometimes, too. It's as though his excitement about things takes him over. He has extreme highs and lows. He has a few friends, but there is one who he has known since elementary that I do not approve of him seeing due to this friends own behavior. I've talked to his parents and they tell me that he is flunking, too. He is a very determined that I won't choose his friends. He has one friend who I like alot, but for some reason they had an argument and haven't been spending much time together. He is very very impatient! One day I was running late getting home so instead of waiting on me to get home to unlock the door he busted our front door in and done hundreds of dollars worth of damage to our door, the frame, and wall. He took a bat that I paid $400 for and beat it up against a tree because he said his brother was dinging rocks off of it. I'm dating again now and he tells the guy I am dating lies and tries his best to break us up. He also has called hin gay, queer, pussy, etc. I don't know how much we can take. Fortunately, he cares alot for me and is willing to help me get him help. He constantly discriminates against other races, gays and lesbians, handicapped, etc. That does not come from me or his father or anyone else in the family. I think it is the friend and his friend's father who I don't care for that has instilled in him the prejudice behavior. we live in an all white community so he hasn't been picked on from other childre of different races They gave my son a rebel flag. He is very tender towards animals and children. His self esteem is low due to his weight and some acne problems.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Your son is manifesting signs of a mood disorder as well as oppositional defiance and even ADHD . Do you think he would be willing to give therapy a try again? His acts of physical violence are putting the safety of you and your family in harm's way. Seeking professional assistance would be the best route to go. It is not necessarily the case that he would be put on medication as you fear, but he does need a complete evaluation. He needs to learn how to manage and control his behavior, gain greater self confidence, treat others with respect, etc. He may even benefit from some type of group therapy as well. You can only do so much and have already done so much for your children starting out as a young single mother. Do not give up on your son. He is going through some very troubling teenage years. There is a light at the end of this seemingly dark tunnel.Laughing
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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