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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My son doesnt seem to have any friends anymore that want to

Customer Question

My son doesnt seem to have any friends anymore that want to hang out with him. I know he is very depressed about this and tells me that he doesnt understand why they are being stupid with him and not returning his calls. He is a Junior in high school and used to hang out with a lot of people .. there was a bunch of them that would hang out. now slowly they have gone there seperate ways. Most of this bunch go to different high schools or have graduated already. but even so they would still get together in the evening and or on the weekends. He is on the football team at school but has never really seemed to hang with any of those boys. He tells me that they all hang out during school like at lunch and breaks but they never seem to be available after school or on the weekends. The friends that he had were from junior high and neighborhood kids. My son is a little on the shy side but that never seemed to matter before. He tells me that he asks these kids on the football team if they want to hang out but he says that they are always busy?? Now all my son seems to do is hang out at home and plays video games. I know that he is very upset about this situation and a few times he has broken down and cried but doesnt want to talk to me much about it.
I dont know how to help him or what to say to him other then that i am sorry that he is going through this. I want high school to be a wonderful experience for him like it was for me with parties and friends and contstantly busy going and doing things. That is not happening for my son. How can I help him? What can I say to him to help him with this and or to just get through this?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Hello my friend. How long has your son felt this way? Are you saying that your son has not a single friend?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

well i guess he has been feeling this way now since the beginning of the school year or shortly after that. Since Spetember of 2010. It just has progressibly gotten worse.

Does my son not have a single "friend" ? .......... well he does but like i said the ones from school like the football team "friends"... that he says he hangs with at lunch and break ... he says that he ask them to do things after school or on the weekend but they tell him that they are busy. Same with the old crowd that he has always hung with. They all seem to be busy. He says that he tries to contact these kids via text or facebook or whatever but he tells me that they ignore him and do not return his text or calls. I know that some of them have girlfriends now and i try to explain to him that they are busy with the GF. and after school and in the evening kids are doing homework and some may have jobs. I try to give him all the excuses that may make them busy. But he has never been invited to one party. (that might be a good thing :) ) but none the less, never been invited really anywhere to do anything with anyone! and it is getting worse. help~!

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
I must step out of the office for a bit but I will return with some suggestions to assist you and your son. Smile
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
okay i hope to hear from you soon.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

Hello my friend. As you know, high school is a time for lots of socializing and fun and exciting interactions. It is perpeplexing as to why all of your son's friends have turned their backs on him. Nonetheless, he must remain confident that he will develop future friendships or reestablish old ones. First of all, isolating himself in his room will certainly not help the situation. He must stay involved in clubs, sports, church, and community centers to share interests and ideas with others. Also, how has the outward behavior of your son been? Have you noticed any changes that his peers may have noticed as well? Does he stay friendly with others? Make sure that he always smiles, has a good attitude, and is a fun and good person to be around. He should be nice to everyone even if he feels depressed. Also, make sure that he practices good hygeine: wears neat clothes, is clean, smells good, brushes teeth, showers, wears deoderant, etc. Furthermore, make sure that your son has not been bad mouthing others or talking about others behind their backs. (Just trying to think of all situations that may cause others to make your son feel like an outcast) Friends will come and go as your son has learned. If he is so shy to the point where he has great difficulty making friends and has remained depressed over this situation, then you may want to seek counseling for him so that he can learn strategies in connecting with other individuals.

 

Hope this has provided some insight. If you need more advice, just ask.

proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I know that he is and does all that you have suggested. He is outwardly friendly and stayes in a good mood. And i think that at school he has a good time with everyone. But i guess what perplexes me is why they dont want to hang out after school or on the weekends with him. I guess i will never know that answer and I will never know for sure how he is at school. If I could just be a fly on the wall. But I guess what am asking is how can i help him or what can i say to him when he gets upset at these situations and how can I help him to get the invitations that he so desires? I know i cant do it for him!
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

Your son has only one more year left in high school. If this is any help to you and your son, he will soon be going off to college and make an entire new set of friends. Most people do not keep in contact with their high school friends. When he gets upset about the current situation of not having any friends, see if there are any relatives his age that he can pal around with. Also, maybe he can be a mentor to younger youths to build up his self confidence.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
You are welcome. Have a good day and be strong for the sake of your son. College is not that far away and I am sure that he will be able to blossom there!!!!Laughing

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