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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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One daughter, 8 years old, husband and wife not sleeping in

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One daughter, 8 years old, husband and wife not sleeping in same room, and husband is often criticized in front of daughter by wife for not being a good father and husband. The 8 year old is calling her father by his first name and telling him he is crazy, uncool, and weird. Mother assigns allergies where there is no proof of an allergy, gives into every pout, never punishes, child always has her own way. Father does not interfere for concern of arguments with wife. Girl does not share with others, argues over every rule, pouts and gets her own way. Do you think she is acting out because she knows the parents are not in sync? Should there be a worry or is this 8 year old behavior?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Hello..are you the mom or dad? Wht are you and your spouse not sleeping in the same room? How does your daughter behave at school? Is she an only child? How long have you and your spouse had problems?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I am the aunt, I am also an educator, and have witnessed similar behaviors in my own students.

She is an only child. I have spoken with her teacher who descrbes her as a model student. I have observed her in the classroom during a school party and she was well integrated in the activities and was socially responsive with her peers. In school, she is a different child, and that is my concern.

Her mom loves her very much and almost seems like she wants her daughter's love and attention above all else. She wants to control what the child does, and what the father does. The father has not left the loveless marriage because 'he couldn't stand not to see his daughter every day.' Both parents are very involved in the child's activities, but they are not a team. I see they both have good qualities as parents, but it is like walking on eggshells.

The Mom 'acts' like they are a family when others are around. It's weird. She plays a part and the father plays along in public...it is very odd.

The mother told me that she likes to work at school once a month. She reported that her daughter's behavior with her at school deteriorated into giggles and all the children in the group disobeying. then she told me that she loves working there because she gets so much 'loving' from her daughter.

I am VERY worried about this situation!
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Hello..your niece is simply imitating the actions of her mother at home. Her mother is not being a positive role model. The daughter is learning to be controlling and manipulative which will cause her problems in her social relations sooner or later. The behavior of the daughter is not normal at all especially towards her father. The family environment is very dysfunctional. The facade that is portrayed is not healthy. Depending upon who you are closer to, maybe you can voice your concerns to the daughter's parent. The mother has put her relationship with her daughter before her husband...not good She is almost obsessed with her daughter.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
SO the marriage is never going to get any better. I have spoken to the father about his child's behavior and he is concerned. In the long run...is the child better off in a divorce situation than in this dysfunctional atmosphere/
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
SO the marriage is never going to get any better. I have spoken to the father about his child's behavior and he is concerned. In the long run...is the child better off in a divorce situation than in this dysfunctional atmosphere?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
If the parents are willing, they should seek marriage counseling and then include the daughter in family therapy. Hopefully, peace, respect, and happiness would be a result Children are better off in a peaceful home with two parents. The marriage can get better if both parents are willing to make a change....especially the mother in this situation. Divorce is often too painful for all involved.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Been to therapy for over a year two years ago...husband did all the things that were suggested by the therapist, then wife said that she didn't need the therapy for herself....it's all about him.

So...peace and harmony are not going to result from this union...the mother will not change because she believes that she is the one who does not need to change...is staying together better for the child?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
The parents must then decide for themselves if they just want to remain married for the sake of the daughter and basically live like roommates and share in the parenting and household responsibilities. On the other hand, it is concerning that the dad would take such abuse from his wife and the daughter. If he honestly feels that he cannot live the rest of his life under the guise of a so called marriage, then it would be time to move on or at least partake in a trial separation.
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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