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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My son , who is 16 years old, would not come home from his

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My son , who is 16 years old, would not come home from his friends house the other day because he "didn't feel like it". I called the police and they escorted him home because he is a minor. I'm not sure if this was the right thing to do. Was it extreme?

Hello..are you the mom or dad? Are both parents in the household? What are your son's friends like? How are his grades in school? Is he an only child? Has he ever been violent when he gets upset?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I am a single Mom. Most of his friends are good kids and some of them smoke marijuana. We talk about drug use and he says that he doesn't use them. I have never had any reason to think that he is lying about this. I have 5 children and he is the third. I have never had any problems with any of my other children. Two are grown and moved out and he and his two sisters(younger) still live at home with me. We have a wonderful home life except for the fact that he is so defiant and he wants what he wants when he wants it. I am a very strong parent and I will not back down and let him control our home. This is why we butt heads. He is determined that he is going to run things and I am determined that he is not or ever will. His grades are horrible. He is very violent when he is angry. He smashes anything in his way.
Does he have any contact with his father? Are there any male role models in his life: uncles, older cousins....Has he always been so defiant?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He has no contact with his father. His father was violent towards me when I was pregnant with Bryan and I decided that he would not be a part of our lives. He was an alcoholic. Any male role model that has been in Bryan's life he hates because at some point they would tell him what he should do and he does not like to be told what to do. He shuts them out. He even got mouthy with the police when they were here. He has absolutely no respect for authority. He started being defiant when he turned 11 years old and was in the 5th grade.
Did anything happen to him around the age of 11? Have you ever thought about sending him away to a bootcamp/boarding school for the remainder of his high school years so he can be whipped back into shape?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
nothing bad has ever happened to Bryan. He is just such a jerk sometimes that I cry because it is so scary to see him like that. I don't cry in front of him. I won't give him that pleasure. I stay strong in front of him. I feel sick to my stomach when he acts that way. He tries to manipulate me by being good to get what he wants and then if he does get it, he turns back into a jerk. I give him nothing now. I provide a home for him and food. If he wants anything else, he can get it himself. I stopped his allowance and took away his cable. He is so angry with me now. I sleep with my door locked. I am so angry with him now, too. He has made our home a living hell. I feel so bad that my daughters, ages 11 and 15, have to witness this abuse from him. They are sad and mad, too. I would love to send him to boot camp and have looked into it, but cannot afford it. Plus, he would never go. They would have to drag him out of here.
As a single parent, you would probably receive some sort of financial aid for a boot camp school as a single parent. In the meantime call the Department of Child and Family Services in your local area and explain everything about your son. They will be able to provide you with some assistance. It really is disturbing that you have to sleep with your door locked at night. That is no way to live. If your son has threatened you and your children and your safety and well being are in danger, he could be removed from the home ...which would be the most drastic measure. Additionally, you could have your son emancipated from you where you would no longer be in control of him and he would be on his own. You would need to seek legal assistance with this issue.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I am going to look into boot camps again. Thank you for your time and your help. I'm sure it will get worse before it gets better.
For your sanity and the protection of you and your other children at home, boot camp or some state run facility would best suit your son. He needs to be in a place where he can not get away with anything...almost like jail. I wish you much success in your future journey with finding the right place for your son. One day, this too will pass and the peace and joy that you deserve will surround you and your family once again.Laughing
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