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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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Our 15 year old daughter is lying to us about random things.

Resolved Question:

Our 15 year old daughter is lying to us about random things. Yesterday she told us she was at a friends and she was down the street in a car with a boy. She lied to us twice and said she was at her friends. We told her this boy couldn't come over a week ago, he lives far away and it is her old boyfriends good friend. We are trying to teach her integrity. In the past year she has outwardly disobeyed our rules. I told her no boys at the house when babysitting and right when we left she called boys to come over. Another time I said if you have a boy over he is never allowed in your room......Grandma was here (I was not) and my daughter brought the boy to her room. I don't understand this type of defiance. Why is she breaking simple rules? We give her lots of freedom and let kids come over. WHy is she being so disrespectful? What are we doing wrong?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about what you are struggling about with your daughter. It does not seem that you are doing anything wrong. You are dealing with a 15 yeaqr old girl whose sexual hormones are driving her to this behaviour. Some kids are less that way at her age. She apparently is not. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't have rules for her and consequences. She surely can get herself into trouble by behaving this way. There is not much you can do about her hormones but you certainly can set the rules in your home and certainly teach her about integrity as you are ( Good for you! ). Keep on taking away privileges, including her computer if she disobeys you, Now is the time you have some control over her. Pretty soon --- at 18 --- you won't. In addition to taking things away talk to her. She needs to know the risks of her behaviour --- HIV/Aids, Pregnancy, a bad reputation, etc., etc. Continue to stand for what you believe. You are not doing anything wrong.
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