My daughter will be 21 next month. Last month marked 2 years since she has last spoken to me (the divorce was finalized in 01/2010). I never thought my relationship with her was that bad, and could have always been better. We were a church-going family, and she was actively involved with competitive soccer since she was little. As a family, we went to all of her games. As my kids became older, my son expressed boredom going to her games watching her. Since he was too young to be home by himself, my wife and I agreed that I should stay home with my son, but that we would all attend the "big games" (championships) and the end of the season. As the divorce was nearing, my daughter told me that I was never involved with her with anything that was meaningful to her. I brought up this issue of soccer and she would tell me "you don't get it". We also made regular trips to Disneyland and vacations to the lake, where we allowed both our kids to bring friends.
A big turning point in my relationship with my daughter was when she was about 11. Her mother, her and me were all in the kitchen. I had said something to my daughter that she needs to do (I don't recall what it was, just something a parent would say being a parent). Immediately, my wife literally stepped in between us and said to me "she doesn't have to do that" and turned to my daughter and said something along the lines of "you do not need to listen to him and do that!". I was shocked that she would do that. Up until that time, I would say that my relationship with my daughter was still good, and with my wife "average" (no obvious major fractures showing in the marriage). Once I had filed for divorce, my daughter and I were in the kitchen (deja vu), and I told her "I am still your father!", and she replied with her often sarcastic tone "well, that's debatable!".
Once the affair was known (the last six months of marriage), my wife knew the name of this other person (whom I am now married to). She told the name of the person to my daughter who discovered that she was classmates with the other woman's daughter. Both my son and daughter knew the other woman's daughter. My daughter has since befriended the other woman's daughter, along with several mutual friends.