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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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i need help with my 18 year old daughter she is invoolved with a 17 year old boy for 3 yea

Customer Question

i need help with my 18 year old daughter she is invoolved with a 17 year old boy for 3 years off and on again he lives 150 miles away but controls her moods he has verbally been abusive to her called her names vulgar things he has verbally attacked me more than once she ran away from home about 8 weeks ago to his house told his parents that i kicked her out was a lie would never do that. she difends him and their relationship. I attend everything that she does extra curricular activities band, wintergaurd i have changed my schedule for 5 years to be able to attend everything for her she is my youngest and last one the other two are boy 28 out on his own and daughter 26 married and doing very wel. this boy is tearing our relationship apart and i dont know what to do she doesnt do drugs she is dyslexic and is mainstreamed has made superior acheivements went to drum corp last summer Im losing my mind she is giving up going to college to be with him she tookm her sat's and was plannin
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Hello my friend!!! How did your daughter meet this young man? So she is giving up college to live with her boyfriend? Is she going to be living with him in the parents' house? Is this boyfriend still in high school? Have you asked your daughter why does she accept such abuse? Does she see a future with him? Just trying to get a clearer understanding of the entire situation. Thanks!!!
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

she met him in their freshman year of high school. they were both attending same high school he moved away about 6 months into his freshman year they had became boyfriend and girlfriend in that time. yes she is giving up college to leve with him at his parents house since that is where he lives now as far as I am understanding he finished fast trak high school last year because he could not stay out of trouble in school so they offered him the fast trak where they do not physically go to classes they sit in a room and take all the courses on a comuter keeping them out of the regular population and keep them from causing trouble he is only 17 turning 18 in march. She tells me she doesnt see any abuse that he says things out of anger or such. That he really doesnt mean it... Yes she sees a future with him

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

My Just Answer friend...There are basically three courses of action to take and you must decide which one would be best for you: 1. Do nothing. Allow your daughter to move in with this guy and let her learn from her mistakes and wrong choices. You will definitely take a back seat on this path. 2. Tell your daughter that she is at the age to be considered an adult. So she must make adult decisions. Tell her to think about the consequences of her actions. Tell her that you do not approve of her going to live with this gentleman. She is throwing her life away. She is thinking with her heart and not her mind. She should not live with a guy and have "pretend" marriage living situation. 3. Discuss the issue with the gentleman's parents and see how they feel about it.

 

You have to think about which course of action suits YOU the best and what you would feel good about doing. You cannot change your daughter. You can only change your reactions to her actions.

 

Hope this provides some insight.

proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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