How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask proexpert37 Your Own Question

proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
49595756
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
proexpert37 is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My fiance has a 12 yr old son that is turning 13 in a couple

Resolved Question:

My fiance has a 12 yr old son that is turning 13 in a couple of days. I have been in his life for about 3 yrs now. Unfortunately, he does not have the best home situation. He lives with his 30 yr old mother in her mothers house, along with his his mothers sister and her 11 yr old son. His mother has never left her parents house and she has never held down a job for more than a few weeks. She has the mentality of a 21 yr old because she has no future and parties every weekend. She doesnt even provide for her son and leaves me to do the things she should be doing (shopping for school clothes, doing school projects with him). I love doing these things with him but it saddens me that she is this way because I feel she is setting him up for failure in life. The worst and most concerning issue is that she shares a bed with him. Her excuse is that there is not enough space in their room for two beds. Because he is turning 13, I fear that the psychological damage she is doing to him will soon be irreversible. We can deal with all of her issues but the bed sharing thing has got to stop. We have tried asking her to stop but she doesnt see anything wrong with it. When we talk to him about it, he gets embarrased and then mad that we bring it up. We have explained why this is inappropriate and asked him to sleep elsewhere in the house but he continues to sleep with her. We dont know what to do anymore. I have suggested calling Social Services but my fiance doesnt want to emotionally scar his son with an investigation. My next suggestion is to go out and buy two twin beds and just deliver them. What else can we do?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Your fiance's son needs to be protected emotionally. It is not healthy for him to be sharing a bed with his mother at his age. I am sure that there is another place that he can sleep in the house...even the couch. You can always call Social Services without giving your name and ask for advice or suggestions. If you and your fiance do decide to provide the names of the parties involved and an investigation occurs, it will be more beneficial for the son than you realize. Sharing a bed can turn into unmentionable acts especially if the mother is so immature. Who really knows what the mother's intentions may be. Of course it just may be innocent in nature but the son needs to be protected in the long run.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I agree with you 100%. If it were up to me, I would have called social sevrices already but I'm trying to balance my role in all of this. I dont want to call them without the approval of my fiance.

 

You did bring up some concerns that I havent yet relayed to my fiance, such as what her intentions may be and the long term benefits of intervening. I know there is no easy way to handle this. I think my struggle lays in getting my fiance to take action.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
You are walking on a tight rope in this situation because you are not his mom but you also have been a part of his life as he is your fiance's son. The way to handle this situation is to just let your fiance know that you really care about his son as if he were your own child. Ask your fiance up to what age does he feel that co-sleeping is appropriate. Ask him would he have slept in the bed with his own mother on a regular basis at his son's age. Just get your fiance to really start thinking about the situation.
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered
 
 
 

Related Parenting Questions

Chat Now With A Parenting Counselor
proexpert37
proexpert37
Parenting Counselor
1374 Satisfied Customers
Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor