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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I am at wits end with my 2 year old daughter. It seems as though

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I am at wits end with my 2 year old daughter. It seems as though she is too smart for her own good. She has always been persistent, stubborn, and down right defiant. I will admit that there are time's when she is amazing, better then any two year old I know; however, the bad over weighs the good. I am a stay at home mom so I am with her 24/7. She listens very well to her father, grandparents, and others, but for some reason she will not listen to me. She is so disrespectful. I have tried absolutely everything. I try not yelling or spanking but nothing works. She will put herself in time out because she thinks it is funny. I have also tried taking away her toys. She recently has gotten a new baby brother and I know that she is dealing with some jealousy and adjustment issues. When he is napping I have tried having craft time with her, painting her nails, playing games with her, watching movies. I have tried it all.

Today was one of the worst days of my life. It all started when I had stepped into the kitchen and just so happened to turn around and I caught her smiling at me and then she hauled off and punched the television. Everything just escalated from there. I tried putting her in time out, that didn't work, so I spanked her and sent her to her room and she rebelled by destroying her toys. As a result, I took every single toy out of her room leaving her only a pillow and blanket. It didn't seem to phase her.. in fact she helped bag everything up. After that, she sat and watched tv for about 30 minutes before her nap time. When I went to lay her down for a nap she resisted but I gave her a hug and kiss and shut the door. 20 minutes later I hear a crash and when I went into her room she had completely destroyed the blinds. They were shredded all around her room and completely broke in half.

I do not know what to do anymore... I am losing hope and sanity. Please help me someone.
Hello my friend. Thank you for using Just Answer. Just out of curiosity...Has your daughter's behavior become progressively worse since the birth of your son? How old is your newborn? How does she react when punished by your husband?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Yes, much worse. He is just 2 months old. She obeys my husband like there are no issues. He rarely has to punish her when he is home. She is just horrible around me.

If your daughter was misbehaving around other individuals as well, then I would suggest that she may have a hyperactivity disorder, However, since she is selective in only behaving inappropriately with you, that is ruled out.

 

The arrival of the baby has caused your daughter to feel disconnected with you. The only way that she can express her feelings is to show aggressiveness and out of control behavior. Her aggression cannot be erased by time outs, enforcing logical consequences, or reasoning.

 

What you need to do is to first reconnect with your daughter. Be close to her. Have more fun playtime where your daughter can laugh alot. Listen to your daughter more if she can verbalize her thoughts so she can release her feelings. Also, try to catch her misbehavior before it rises and intervene.

 

She wants you. She really needs you. She feels tense, frightened, and isolated. She craves the attention that she had before the baby arrived. Forget about all of the inappropriate behavior and start off fresh tomorrow. Your daughter can be that angel that she once was.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I am not sure of how to reconnect with her. As stated before, during my son's naptimes, I try playing with her toys, doing crafts, coloring, watching a movie, painting her nails. I don't know what else to do. What else is there to do?
Make sure that your daughter is enjoying the activities that you have selected for her. Some new ones to try are: finger painting, making paper bag puppets and have a puppet show, get involved in play groups, have your daughter help you cook something, make tents in the family room, arrange play time at the park with other mommies, 2 year old appropriate computer games, sing and dance and act silly, etc. Your daughter needs to be happy and feel needed and special.
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you so much. You provided great ideas and advice.
If you need more suggestions in the future, just ask for Expert4U in your question and I would be more than happy to assist you. I have worked with young children for a while. I am always glad when parents are so concerned with their children. I have seen too many young children grow up to be out of control adults when the parents should have intervened. Thank you for your patience. Have a great evening with your family!!!!