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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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For the past 12 years my mother and I have been living together

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For the past 12 years my mother and I have been living together in her house. I give her 750.00 for rent, pay for repairs, buy food and help her to make ends meet. I do not think she would be able to keep her house without my support. Two years ago my niece moved in to stay with us, while she went to college. She works part time and goes to school. She has been giving my mother 250.00 a month rent, which includes everything, including her food.A year ago, her mother, my sister moved in, to look for a job and buy a house.My sister gives my mother 400.00 a month, again, which includes her food.My niece takes out the garbage once a week, and empties the dishwasher. She does nothing else, unless she is asked. When she moved in,I happily gave up some of my living space to accommodate her.She also shares my bathroom. We had an agreement from the beginning, that every other week we would take turns cleaning the bathroom, mopping the kitchen floor and and vacuuming, etc. She never took responsibility for being a family member and pitching in...unless she was asked. My sister maintains that she and her daughter are " tenants" living in my mother's house, and that I have no right to complain and that if anything needs to be said, then it should come from my mother , who is their landlord. I say we are not tenants, but family and we should all should show respect and consideration for each other by pitching in and working together. When my mother makes dinner, my niece will leave her plate on the kitchen sink and then go in her room and close the door. My mother is 85. My sister says my mother should do the dishes, as she needs exercise.She does not feel it is her place to say anything to her daughter. I do not like conflict but am getting very disillusioned living like this. Please comment.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

Hello my friend. What was the relationship like between you and your sister and niece before they all moved in with you and your mom? Do you feel like your mother is being taken advantage of? Are your sister and niece the confrontational type? Just trying to get a big picture of the entire situation. Thank you.

 

 

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

Hello my friend. Nobody likes family disagreements but they do happen. You need to all sit down and have an open and honest discussion. No matter if you sister and your niece consider themselves as family or tenants, all must participate equally in doing their fair share to contribute to the overall upkeep of the house. If you are being an advocate for your mother with her permission, then the rules of the house must be once again stated. reinforced, and adhered to. If your sister and niece do not want to contribute to the general upkeep of the house, then quite possibly they may need to find another place to live. Granted, they are paying a minimal amount in rent compared to if they were living by themselves. They need to be appreciative of what they do have and accept their responsibilities of living in the household. How do you think they would feel if you mentioned that you were going to get some new "tennants"? Just curious :).

 

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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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