Hi. Thank you for coming back to me so quickly.
Finn is a young school starter with an August birthday, and also the youngest of two brothers (21 months between them). His brother is by contrast a November child, confident socially and a high achiever at sport and holds his own academically.
School is where Finn's social challenges all began. He is trying so hard to be noticed and heard that he comes across to his peers as often annoying and silly, so has always been a little immature among his peers and therefore suffers rejection time and again at school - paradoxically though he is confident on other levels. Though he is keen to be accepted he is not a follower and oftern takes himself out of a social gatherings to do his own thing. Nonetheless he speaks to me of rejection and people 'avoiding him' etc. often expressing deep anger and confusion. He thinks he is wonderful and funny and doesn't understand why others don't!
He did suffer the same experience in his last school, by the end of which he was much more settled and accepted (I perhaps should have left him there)... He want to be a alpha male but doesn't quite cut it!
Curiously, we have just had a successful day with friends from his new school and he was shining and bidable at bed time as a result, so he clearly yearns acceptance. Don't we all!
He seems to hold himself together at school (according to his teacher who insists he is fine...) but lets rip at home. His emotions manifest as anger and intolerance and disrupted sleep etc.
Part of me feels I need to stop interfering and let him find his own way but I am torn as I feel he also needs guidance - and of course as a mother it pains me to see him so lost. Ultimately, Finn needs to build his self esteem and find the social tools to bond with his peers.
Academically he is strong thankfully.
I hope this isn't too elaborate as an answer. Thank you for your questions. I look forward to hearing from you again.
Hello...Is Finn involved in any activities outside of school? If so, how does he relate to the other children in those activities? Has he ever had any type of counseling? Have you ever discussed the situation with his pediatrician? I am just trying to get a clearer picture of the entire situation. Thanks!!!
Finn doesn't do a lot outside school anymore as his days are very long at school, but we do a lot socially with friends etc. and while he is always excited by a social occasion and seeing friends etc. and is very keen to be involved and accepted (and when he is accepted he shines), however, he is not a follower and will often take himself out of a group and do his own thing. I am unsure whether this is single mindedness, extreme confidence or in fact a lack of confidence. He will often tell me that no one wants to play with him, or they are ignoring him, when in fact I have observed him taking himself out of the popular choice of play. Admittedly it is often football which unlike most boys of his age, does not interest him. HIs passions are animals, adventure, music and drama.
He has never had counselling but I have been considering some play therapy. I have never spoken to a pediatrician about him, though I am also considering requesting a referral from my doctor to one, as he does still occasionally wet himself and at 7 this should not be happening - again not sure if this is because he is so absorbed in what he is doing he can't be bothered to go, or whether it is a physical thing with him.
I hope this helps. Very happy to answer any questions.
I will be away out of the office and will not have access to a computer until this evening and will get back to you then.
From what I can gather, Finn is a very happy child but at times can become easily frustrated. He desires to be socially accepted but withdraws from situations in which he does not display accepting behavior. He seems to lack the techniques of positively relating to others . You seem to be on the right track as to praising him all of the time. But there are three issues here: 1. Finn needs to have greater self confidence in his own social abilities 2. Finn needs to learn greater self control and not display such outbursts of negative emotions 3. Finn needs to learn how to relate to other children.
I think the best route to take is to obtain a referral from your sons pediatrician and seek the necessary counseling. In such counseling sessions, Finn can learn coping strategies in dealing with frustrating situations and alternatives ways to react. Through group therapy sessions, he can participate in role playing activities to strengthen his social skills in a more positive in manner.
Finn is still young and he can change his ways through lots of love and continuous support. The counseling and group therapy must be on going. One or two sessions will not make a difference. Additionally, you can seek counseling for yourself so you as the parent can learn intervention strategies that compliment what Finn is learning.