How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask proexpert37 Your Own Question

proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
49595756
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
proexpert37 is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I need some advice on helping my 7 year old boy with his emotions.

Resolved Question:

I need some advice on helping my 7 year old boy with his emotions. He is often angry and is strugging to settle in to his new school and be accetped by his peers. We continually reassure him how wonderful and loved he is, but at the same time we are disciplining him as his behaviour is often unacceptable, so he doubts our love etc. etc.

Any advice welcome!

Regards

Allanah
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
How long has your son been at his new school? How did he behave at his other school? How does he perform academically? Does he behave at home and at school in the same manner?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi. Thank you for coming back to me so quickly.

 

Finn is a young school starter with an August birthday, and also the youngest of two brothers (21 months between them). His brother is by contrast a November child, confident socially and a high achiever at sport and holds his own academically.

 

School is where Finn's social challenges all began. He is trying so hard to be noticed and heard that he comes across to his peers as often annoying and silly, so has always been a little immature among his peers and therefore suffers rejection time and again at school - paradoxically though he is confident on other levels. Though he is keen to be accepted he is not a follower and oftern takes himself out of a social gatherings to do his own thing. Nonetheless he speaks to me of rejection and people 'avoiding him' etc. often expressing deep anger and confusion. He thinks he is wonderful and funny and doesn't understand why others don't!

 

He did suffer the same experience in his last school, by the end of which he was much more settled and accepted (I perhaps should have left him there)... He want to be a alpha male but doesn't quite cut it!

 

Curiously, we have just had a successful day with friends from his new school and he was shining and bidable at bed time as a result, so he clearly yearns acceptance. Don't we all!

 

He seems to hold himself together at school (according to his teacher who insists he is fine...) but lets rip at home. His emotions manifest as anger and intolerance and disrupted sleep etc.

 

Part of me feels I need to stop interfering and let him find his own way but I am torn as I feel he also needs guidance - and of course as a mother it pains me to see him so lost. Ultimately, Finn needs to build his self esteem and find the social tools to bond with his peers.

 

Academically he is strong thankfully.

 

I hope this isn't too elaborate as an answer. Thank you for your questions. I look forward to hearing from you again.

 

Regards

 

Allanah

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

Hello...Is Finn involved in any activities outside of school? If so, how does he relate to the other children in those activities? Has he ever had any type of counseling? Have you ever discussed the situation with his pediatrician? I am just trying to get a clearer picture of the entire situation. Thanks!!!

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Finn doesn't do a lot outside school anymore as his days are very long at school, but we do a lot socially with friends etc. and while he is always excited by a social occasion and seeing friends etc. and is very keen to be involved and accepted (and when he is accepted he shines), however, he is not a follower and will often take himself out of a group and do his own thing. I am unsure whether this is single mindedness, extreme confidence or in fact a lack of confidence. He will often tell me that no one wants to play with him, or they are ignoring him, when in fact I have observed him taking himself out of the popular choice of play. Admittedly it is often football which unlike most boys of his age, does not interest him. HIs passions are animals, adventure, music and drama.

 

He has never had counselling but I have been considering some play therapy. I have never spoken to a pediatrician about him, though I am also considering requesting a referral from my doctor to one, as he does still occasionally wet himself and at 7 this should not be happening - again not sure if this is because he is so absorbed in what he is doing he can't be bothered to go, or whether it is a physical thing with him.

 

I hope this helps. Very happy to answer any questions.

 

Regards

 

Allanah

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

I will be away out of the office and will not have access to a computer until this evening and will get back to you then.

 

Best Regards

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
No problem. Thank you.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

From what I can gather, Finn is a very happy child but at times can become easily frustrated. He desires to be socially accepted but withdraws from situations in which he does not display accepting behavior. He seems to lack the techniques of positively relating to others . You seem to be on the right track as to praising him all of the time. But there are three issues here: 1. Finn needs to have greater self confidence in his own social abilities 2. Finn needs to learn greater self control and not display such outbursts of negative emotions 3. Finn needs to learn how to relate to other children.

 

I think the best route to take is to obtain a referral from your sons pediatrician and seek the necessary counseling. In such counseling sessions, Finn can learn coping strategies in dealing with frustrating situations and alternatives ways to react. Through group therapy sessions, he can participate in role playing activities to strengthen his social skills in a more positive in manner.

 

Finn is still young and he can change his ways through lots of love and continuous support. The counseling and group therapy must be on going. One or two sessions will not make a difference. Additionally, you can seek counseling for yourself so you as the parent can learn intervention strategies that compliment what Finn is learning.

proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    16
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered