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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
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I divorced when my daughter was 2 1/2.... she does not remember

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I divorced when my daughter was 2 1/2.... she does not remember that mom and dad once lived together. Today she is seven years old and asks "Why can't you, me and Dad take vacation together?" "Why aren't YOU going to Dad's 50th birthday party?"

I explained that only married people do things together. She said "You ARE married." I told her we got "un-married" because we didn't get along so well. We live separate lives... and you are a big part of Dad's life and Mom's life... we love you.

She said "That doesn't make any sense." I'm stuck and don't know what else to tell this 7 year old mind. Can you help?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

You are doing everything and saying everything appropriately. It is normal for your daughter to feel rejection, grief, sadness, and even anger. All you can continue to do is be honest with your daughter and do not offer false hopes of a reconciliation. Your daughter does not need to know specifics about why you divorced. She just needs to be reassured that the divorce was not her fault and that neither parent will disappear but will always be there for her in a very loving manner. Always allow your daughter to ask questions. But I think that you are probably at a point where there is not much more to say. If your daughter seems to be depressed or experiencing extreme emotional difficulties relating to the divorce, then you can always seek professional counseling to help her on a continuous basis. You can also seek counseling to acquire intervention strategies in dealing with the future questions that your daughter may have. She may have repressed feelings that may surface in her future years.

 

I am not sure if she has a step father and what that relationship is like. That may be an issue as well.

 

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