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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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my 10 year old daughter has always had difficulty keeping friends,

Customer Question

my 10 year old daughter has always had difficulty keeping friends, because she is dominant and spiteful, she has not had a friend for more than 6 months, and past friends despise her and never go back, how can i help her with this?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Hello...Exactly what has your daughter done and how has she behaved not to have any friends? How does she perform academically at school?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

She is a c student that doesn't put any effort in unless she is pushed along by us.

 

She wants everyone to play her games, which involve her being the boss, such as teachers or shops, the games have to be played her way or she tells people they can't play, she never goes with the flow of what other kids want to do. She also tends to she can do things that she can't, to make herself look good, I have told her that it doesn't matter if there are things that she can't do or can't do well, people will still like her. She also makes up stories that aren't true and the kids start to not believe anything that she says, once she told her friends that I was pregnant, when they came over for a sleep over they asked me and I said no I wasn't, then Alyssa said that she didn't say that, and they accused her of lying. She also never praises her friends for anything they do well, she feels that she has to be better than everyone.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

I am wondering if she has low self esteem??? Is she the oldest of her siblings? Have you ever thought about acquiring counseling for her so that she could receive intervention and coping strategies on an ongoing basis? She needs some direction as how to make and keep friends. She also needs to develop positive feelings of self worth and greater confidence in her own abilities academically and socially without negatively affecting others. If you desire to travel the counseling route, you personally can start trying to praise your daughter for anything positive that she may do. It is time to stop focusing on the negative although that may be rather difficult. Your daughter is still young and she has the capabilities to change, especially before the challenging teen age years.

 

You should bring up your concerns with your daughter's pediatrician and then he/she can refer you to a counselor/psychologist. It would not hurt your daughter to get feedback from a neutral source. She needs to open up to someone other than a family member. There may also be some deep seated problems that may surface during the counseling sessions that could be addressed. In days past, seeing a psychologist had a negative reputation but now they have assisted SO MANY individuals in need. Your daughter can even see the school's psychologist who can observe her and help her with her school interactions. You can request such assistance by sending a note or calling the teacher of your daughter, expressing your concerns, and stating that you would like your daughter to receive counseling services.

 

I hope that this has helped. If so, please ACCEPT so that I may be compensated for my efforts. If you need further assistance, please ask. Have a great day. Thank you.

proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX looked at counceling in the past however my husband is sceptical so we did not pursue it, I am looking at it again now as I am concerned because we are entering the teenage years. She is the oldest out of three. And now my youngest is taking some of her traits.

 

When my daughter is good we focus on that, however she is always in trouble at home, many times a day, unfortunately she sees constant negaitivity. She does have an extremely low self esteem. I know I have damaged her more trying to control the behaviour, I worry every day about her. I adore her. She feels that we don't love her, although we tell her often that we do. She feels like the black sheep, I sometimes compare her behaviour to her younger brother, which I know I probably shouldn't, but I think that if she can see that because he is so nice and caring and that her has lots of friends, then she might change, but it is not working.

 

I am very upset and concerned, sometimes when my husband get frustrated with her behaviour not changing, he threatens her with a boarding school.

 

I wish I could change so much, things that have been said and done, she is not abused she comes from a loving home, but she has been smacked in her years.

 

thank you

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

Let go of the past and all of the negative things that you may have said and done relating to your daughter. Look forward to the future and to the start of a brand new year. To tell you the truth, I was always a skeptic when it came to counseling. I felt like people should be able to work out their own problems. However 3 years ago when one of my sons was in second grade and experiencing severe behavioral issues, I had to turn to counseling. His behavior was so out of control. I was frustrated and felt like an awful parent. He went through a year of individual counseling as well as a 6 week group session with children his age. I even had some counseling sessions so I could learn how to cope and deal with him. We both learned so much. My son is like a new child!!! My husband was not in to the counseling route and never attended a session but he was very pleased with the outcomes. Just please be patient and persistent if you do in fact travel down the counseling route. It will help your daughter tremendously. Take care and Happy New Year. Request Erica.13 any time in the future for your Parenting concerns. Let me know how things are progressing if you so desire. Thank you.

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